The Aftermath of Callie and Arizona

Moving On Part II

Callie's POV:

Full of pent-up anger and rage, I slammed the door to the apartment. I proceeded to dump the bags of to-go food and wine I had just purchased on the counter with one, swift, resounding, motion. And then, I just broke down and started sobbing. I'm not even sure why I became so emotional, so quickly. I just felt, in that moment, a deep lacking of happiness and a need to be loved. 

Penny hopped up from her spot on the couch and wrapped her arms around me as I wept. 

"Callie, what's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?"

"No," I sniffled back in response. (She really didn't do anything wrong the more I thought about it). "I'm just not having a good patient care week," I used as an excuse, but it was true most weeks, so it wasn't an absolute fabrication. "Sorry to take my angst out on you, Penny." 

"Callie, I'm always here for you, never forget that my love. I know I'm sometimes busy with my research grant, residency work and I apologize for that." She said as she took my trench coat off and then drug me and snuggled me into the couch to soothe me.

"Do you hate living with me and Sophia? If you do, I wish you'd tell me. From your texts today, it seemed like you resent and you even despise living with Sophia." I said between drying up my tears and trying to temper my anger.

"Callie, why would you even ask that? I love you both! You should know that after what we've been through the last year.  I'm constantly juggling all our schedules to help take care of Sophia whenever I can, you know that!"

"I apologize, but I read more into your texts tonight than I should have, I realize that now. In the heat of the moment, the Mama Bear in me came out. Until you have kids, you don't realize what it's like to become selfless and uber protective of another small human."

"I know you probably had plans for us tonight, but would you be okay if we just watched TV, while eating dinner and went to bed? I've had an emotional roller coaster of a week and could use a down night," I said.

Penny quickly responded and said, "Of course, Callie. I could use a quiet night too. I'm happy just being by your side, always." 

Penny started stroking my back, but it didn't feel soothing in the least. I just sat there next to her, but didn't say anything. I think I was still trying to make sense of everything at that point in my life and deal with my resulting emotional status. 

I knew Penny truly meant the sentiment about what she just said to me, but I didn't feel anything for Penny in that moment. Sigh, what's wrong with me? This woman truly loves me and all I can do anymore is just coexist with her lately.  

At least with Arizona, there was a FIRE and a passion between us that only took a single glance from one of us to spark. With Penny, it's boring, typical and predictable. There are no surprises with Penny and every action just seems pragmatic and rote at this point. While I care for Penny, I was beginning to realize we didn't even have a spark, let alone a fire between us.

"Thanks for understanding Penny. I'm just exhausted between my schedule this week and lack of sleep. We should dig into the Chinese food before it gets colder..."

"Sounds good to me," said Penny. "I'm starving! Thanks for getting us food and some wine tonight, Callie. I'm going to run a bath for you after dinner so you can unwind for once on a Friday night."

Even though my heart felt like it was broken, I nodded in a lackluster fashion and gave Penny a half smile, "Sounds amazing I said," as we headed to the kitchen to put the Chinese side dishes on plates and eat before I attempted to drown out my heartache with MSG, red wine and a bubble bath.