The Secrets of The Sighted (Golden Trio Era) {3}

Dirty Magic

Being back in the Burrow was strange, it seemed that, at least to Mikayla, that too much has changed for it to not be affected by it. Mikayla assumed that was because of Molly, her adoptive mother never let the darkness of the outside world seep into her home. Harry has been staying in the Burrow under the promise that he would return to Privet Drive immediately after Remus and Tonks Wedding tomorrow. Mikayla found that Burrow was eerily quiet at night, she has spent the past three nights alone in the kitchen often tightly gripping a lukewarm cup of tea. he couldn't sleep for long periods of time, after an hour or so her dreams would shift into night terrors, and they've been tormenting her since the fight in the Astronomy Tower.

Today, the order was meeting officially for the first time since before Dumbledore's death, they needed to elect a new leader and discuss their plans for the next month. It would the foursome's first official Order meeting as members, Mikayla wasn't looking forward to it, knowing that she would have to reveal to everyone Dumbledore's job for her. Hermione, Ron and Harry luckily didn't have to share what they would be up to, but Mikayla was left once again without the choice as she would need the Order's cooperation.

It was obvious to the other occupants that Mikayla hasn't been sleeping, she was often found in the mornings sat across from the kitchen window, staring blankly out as if was waiting for something bad to happen. It made the others uneasy, Mikayla's gut was rarely wrong, if she was worried about an attack it is something that should be addressed as soon as possible. It's the reason they decided to have the order meeting today, instead of after Remus and Tonks wedding.

It had been decided after Dumbledore's funeral that the Order's Headquarters would move to the Burrow. Mikayla wasn't very happy about the arrangement as it put the Weasleys in even more danger than before, but they couldn't use Grimmauld Place now. Snape and his Death Eater mates have access to it now, due to the secret keeper, Dumbledore, being killed. Mikayla sat in the back room, where a large table and assortment of chairs were laid out, waiting for the rest to arrive.

She played nervously with an old potion vial in her hands, it contained her memory of the last time she and Dumbledore spoke, planning to share the vision to say her from having to explaining everything. "Hey..." Ron voiced as he walks in, Mikayla looks up at him and offers him an exhausted smile, "hi." Ron sits down in the armchair with Mikayla, gently taking her hands to stop her from fidgeting with the vial, "what's going on with you?" Ron asks quietly, seeing the dark purple circles under Mikayla's eyes, "nothin-" Ron cuts Mikayla off before she could even get whatever lied she brewed up in her head out of her mouth.

"M, you're not sleeping, you're barely eating and you're avoiding everyone, locking yourself in your room. So, just tell me, what's wrong?" Ron frowned as Mikayla let out a long tired sigh, she rested her head on his shoulder and let her eyes close while she tried to gather her thoughts. "I've got a lot on my mind... I- my night terrors are back. I can't close my eyes without seeing it all, the fear, the battles, the... deaths." Mikayla admitted as she felt Ron sit further back in the seat, allowing her to sink into the mould of his body, not opening her eyes. "I'm either being bombarded by terrible visions or horrific memories in my sleep, it's like I can only focus on the bad stuff, that there's only darkness ahead but I know that's not true."

Ron remained silent, knowing that Mikayla just needed to air out what she's been holding inside for too long. "I just can't seem to shift my mind into balancing the light and dark, instead of overspilling on one side of the scale. I've lost my appetite overthinking about what I want to avoid, and have spent the time holed up in my room trying to form some sort of plan." Mikayla tries to explain her latest evasiveness but she still refuses to go into too much detail. "I... It just feels like I've lost something... that graduating and using those Dark Curses on Greyback, or not even trying to prevent Dumbledore's death has destroyed the last of my schoolgirl innocence.

Mikayla paused for a moment, feeling an odd buzzing sensation throughout her exhausted body,
"I feel uncomfortable in my own skin anymore, it's like I have constant pins and needles and it's seeping into my subconscious... The lasting affects of using dirty Dark Magic..." Ron lightly began to rub her shoulder after a shiver ran down Mikayla's spine at the mention of the Dark curses she used during the Battle in the Astronomy Tower.

"What are you talking about? What Dark Magic did you use on Greyback?" Ron asked as he had not witnessed the Dark Magic she had used on the feral werewolf. "Adusta Lupus Scutum..." A new voice answered in Mikayla's place, making the blonde frantically open her eyes, before guiltily looking to the ground when she realised it was Remus who answered. "Adu- what?" Ron questioned not understanding what Remus meant whatsoever. "The scorched wolf shield." Remus translated for him, "a shield charm that burns any werewolf that tries to cross it. It was used in France in the 1600s to trap werewolves during Full Moons before decapitating them."

Remus paused to take a seat across from the pair, Mikayla continued to avoid his eyes. "But it has been proved to continue to torture the wolf that came in contact, if they escape,  with until they die or the caster dies..." Remus and Ron seemed to have a silent discussion, as Ron got up and left the room without another word. Mikayla began anxiously playing with her ring, not knowing what to say, she felt so guilty for using the spell. It went against everything she strived to be, and felt like she had betrayed Remus' trust.

"You do not need to feel guilty for doing what you needed to survive." Remus broke the silence between them, Mikayla's lip trembled at how understanding Remus was being, she didn't believe she deserved his undying loyalty after doing something so treacherous. "It's never okay to use that spell, I could've, I should have done something else. To use a spell that dangerous in your presence was a risk, if it was rebounded or-" Remus took Mikayla's hand from across the table, "you did what you had to. If you took even one more second to debate it, he would've killed you." Mikayla shook her head in disagreement.

"I shouldn't even know the spell, I should've known that the book I read it in was an unreliable source about lycanthropy." Remus tipped her head with their interlocked hands, forcing Mikayla to look him in the eye. His heart stilled as he saw the utter distraught wrapped up in her glossy eyes, "you were thirteen, and wanted to know more about me, about my condition, and you went to the only resource available to you, the library, it's not your fault that it only anti-werewolf literature." Mikayla frowned, she agreed whole heartedly that Hogwarts should've provided more accepting books.

Considering Hogwarts had past students that had lycanthropy, they should've had more openminded literature about the condition, but she couldn't really go off and broadcast it at the time, as no one knew about Remus back then. "I, I feel like I've failed myself, I've done something so against my beliefs that I don't know how to come back from it." Remus offered Mikayla a gentle smile, "you're allowed make mistakes, Mikayla. No one can make the right choice every time, you'll never grow if you don't have mistakes to learn from."

Mikayla sent Remus a wobbly smile, but he could tell that she didn't fully believe him that it was okay. "The past is done, Mikayla, you can't change it and it's best not to dwell on the what ifs, but you can reflect and plan for future, where you might end up in the same situation again." Mikayla squeezed Remus' hand, letting a single tear trail down her cheek. "Thank you, Moony. I might need some help figuring that all out." Remus let go of Mikayla's hand, rounding the table to pull the young blonde into a tight hug, "I'll always be here to help you, Mikayla." Mikayla squeezed him back, "and I'm here if you ever need help too."