Afraid to Love

Chapter 3

*Carsons POV*

"Daddy... Please... Don't.." I whimpered, as my dad tied me down to the bed. My dad slapped me hard across the face, and I fell silent.

"Quiet you little shit. I'm going to have my way with you, whether you like it or not." He muttered, while getting on top of me.

I let out a small cry and he slapped me again. He growled at me and told me to shut the fuck up. I didn't want to listen this time. He was doing it again. He was going to abuse me again.

He was going to rape me again.

I started struggling, and started screaming out for help. "Help me! Someone! Please?!" I yelled and yelled and yelled. My dad hissed at me and grabbed a knife. He held it above my chest and I didn't say no more.

He smiled harshly, and dragged the knife across my stomach. I winced and my stomach started to lightly bleed. "Maybe that will teach you for being such an ignorant little ass." he beamed, and set the now bloody knife down. I whimpered and started crying.

"No need for tears, Carson. Those will get you no where so shut the hell up. Enjoy this, cause I know I will." He smiled a disgusting grin and started to rape me.

I woke up, and gasped for air. I checked my hands and feet to make sure they were free of ropes and sure enough, they were. I sighed and curled up in the fetal position. I hugged my legs and started to think.

Why the fuck would my dad be so freaking disgusting and rape a 8 year old boy? Why did he get amusement out of it? Did he ever treat my mom this way...?

Mom.

I haven't thought about her in forever.

From what I heard, she was beautiful. She was glowing. So full of life. But then she became involved with my dad, and then shit started to go down. My dad actually loved her and it was weird to say because he was 32 and she was 15. She loves him too, but I thought it was disgusting. How could anybody love that piece of shit anyway?

My dad wanted to be sexual with her and when she refused, it led to him raping her. He knocked her out and just went at it. That's how I came along. My mom was just turning 16 when she had me. Her body was frail and small, and so skinny that she couldn't take it. She died directly after I was born.

I never knew what she looked like until my dad gave me a photo of her and him going out on a date. She had my color hair, and she had those beautiful bluish gray eyes. I had asked my dad when I was 4 about my moms eyes and he couldn't even look at me. He told me he was disgusted with me and he couldn't look into my eyes because I reminded him of her.

If I reminded him of the woman he supposedly loved, then why did he rape me? Why did he abuse me?

None of my questions will ever have answers.

I sat up in my bed and pulled out the picture I had of her and my dad. My mom looked so young compared to my father. She had her arm around his waist and he had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. My mom had beautiful brown, flowing hair that went down past her breast, and her smile was absolutely perfect. Her eyes are what stood out to me this most.

This woman sacrificed her life for me when she could've just gotten an abortion.

My eyes wandered from my mom to my dad and my dad actually looked happy. He wasn't as disgusting looking as he looks now. His teeth were perfect and white, his black hair was pushed back and his eyes were a shit colored brown. My dad was tall and muscular and he actually looked good. Now he's just a pervert who rapes little kids.

I set the photo down and sighed. I just then noticed someone was standing by my door. It was Makenzie. She looked tired and confused as to why I was up at 2:30 in the morning. She walked over to me and sat down on my bed.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, looking at me with tired eyes.

"Yes, slut. I'm fine. Go away." I snapped. I didn't want her in here. She pissed me off so much.

She sighed, "Stop being an asshole. I only came in here to see if you were still alive." she sat up, unsatisfied, and started walking towards the door.

"About time, you hoe. Now stay out of my room. For good."

She frowned and closed and my door. I sighed heavily and laid back down. I knew I wasn't gonna be able to sleep. So I just stayed up and stared at m ceiling.