Afraid to Love

Chapter 13

Authors Note; I know the chapters are messed up. I've been getting a lot of complaints about it and I don't know how to fix it.

Chapter 13;

*Carsons POV*

I quickly pushed open Makenzies door, and to my luck, she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful but yet, so helpless. She had all sorts of needles attached to her, a breathing tube down her throat, and heart monitors attached to her chest. She looked awfully pale. Sickly even.

I breathed in heavily, and slowly made my way to the side of her bed. Makenzie looked so hurt, so little... She was in this condition because of me. Everything is my fault. Like it always is. I grabbed a chair, pulled it next to her bed, and plopped down in it. I looked at Makenzie, and wished it was me instead of her.

"I'm so sorry, Makenzie.."

I grabbed her pasty hand, and laced my fingers with hers. I laid my head on her bed, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"I didn't mean for this to happen... This is all my fault. Everything is. No wonder you hate me. I screw everything up. I'm such a fuck up! If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have needed surgery, or you wouldn't have needed stitches in your hand, or you wouldn't have cut your hand in the first place.. Words can't describe how painfully sorry I am..." I stood up quickly, let go of Makenzies hand, and started pacing the room. "You wouldn't know what it's like to have everything be your fault. You're just little miss perfect, and I'm that abused, damned child who's going to go to hell for what he's done. I didn't mean to do anything! I didn't mean to hurt this family!" I slammed the wall with my fist, it ignoring the pain that was previously there.

"Y'all were a perfect family! So why did you adopt me?! Why have you guys put up with me?! Why haven't you beat me like my dad did?!" I was crying so hard. "Why haven't you hurt me... I've put you through so much... I'm s-so sorry..."

I dropped to my knees, and covered my face with my hands. I sobbed so hard, that my hands were completely wet. I cried for a good 20 minutes, before I stood up and slowly walked over to Makenzies bed. I sat down in the chair and laid my head back down on her bed.

I was tired. I haven't been home for two days. I felt my eyes getting heavy, as I slowly drift off into sleep.

I woke up with a stiff neck, as I sat up to stretch. Makenzie was awake, and was looking at me funny. I looked down, and felt embarrassed.

"Carson?" She croaked.

"Yes?"

"Did you stay here all night?"

I nodded. "Did you... Did you hear anything last night?"

"No.." She looked confused.

I sighed, relieved. "Oh. Well, don't worry about it. How are you feeling?"

"I'm in pain."

I slightly laughed. "I know how that goes."

"Are you okay?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"You look like you've been crying all night. Your eyes are bloodshot."

I gulped, and closed my eyes. Why did they give everything away?