Afraid to Love

Chapter 21

Chapter 21;

*Carson's POV*

I actually enjoyed kissing Makenzie... It felt so nice, and so different. In a way, it didn't remind me so much of my dad anymore. I was over thinking it. But was I really ready? Was I ready to date Makenzie? Was that even legal?

I think it is.

I don't even care if it is or not. I loved her.

I loved Makenzie.

Love... Such a funny word. I haven't said that word in 7 years. Not ever since Emileigh died. I never thought I would ever have feelings for another girl other than Emileigh. It was all so surreal and I didn't know if I was comfortable with it yet. I didn't want sex... I didn't... It would remind me of my dad too much. My dad pretty much ruined my fucking mind, and I bet he's happy that he did.

I was getting worked up, and I didn't know why. I needed to cool off. I decided to go downstairs, and see if there was any vodka.

*Makenzies POV*

Carson. Carson Taylor. I was in love with Carson Taylor. I couldn't help it. He was just so... Intriguing. I couldn't stay away. His past is so interesting, and so hurt. I wanted to know everything about him. I didn't mind if he cried... In my arms. I wanted to comfort him everytime I saw him. I wanted to hold him, and love him in every way. Why would his dad hurt such an innocent boy? I hated his dad.

I groaned as I heard something slam on the floor downstairs. I got up and hurried down the stairs. I turned the corner into the kitchen, and there I saw Carson, lying drunk on the floor. He was bleeding a little from his head, and he had a bottle of vodka in his hand. He looked up at me, with really crazy eyes, and tried to push himself up off the floor.

I stepped back, and watched in disgust. Carson eventually got to his feet, and started stumbling towards me. I had to catch him in my arms as he fell forwards onto me. He pressed his face into my breasts and smiled.

"This is comfy. Can I stay hereeee?"

I tried to lift him up, but he was nothing more than dead weight. I dragged him over to the couch, and plopped him down on it. Carson put his hands to his head, and groaned.

"Carson, what the hell were you thinking?!"

He looked up at me with dreary eyes. "You wouldn't believe me if I told youuuu."

"To hell I wouldn't!"

"Stop cussing. You'll wake the cat," He pointed his finger lazily at me, and then put his fingers to his lips. "Sshhhh. Poor kitty."

"We don't have a cat, dumbass,"

Carson seemed confused, and it was cute the way he looked at me. "You ate him?!" he exclaimed, and tried to sit up. I pushed him down, and giggled. I couldn't stay mad at him. He was too cute of a drunk.

"No,"

"Murderer,"

"I did not eat the cat..."

"This pillow is soft..." Carson grabbed the pillow that was laying on the other end of the couch, and held it to his face. He rubbed the pillow on his cheek, and his eyes grew wide.

"Come on. We're getting you to bed," I lifted him up, and started to drag him to the stairs. "You're gonna have a massive hangover..." I muttered, as I started heaving him up the stairs. Carson didn't weigh that much and was quite easy to drag.

We made it to his bedroom, and I stripped him down to his boxers, and then laid him on the bed. Carson didn't fight any of it, and he put his hand on his head. "I have a headache..." He moaned, and turned onto his side. I giggled and pulled the covers over him. I started to leave the room, but Carsons voice piped up.

"Stay with me?"

I couldn't resist him. He was too cute. I went back over to his bed, and sat down next to his head. I started rubbing his head and played with his hair. Carson relaxed as I did this and started drifting off into sleep.

"Goodnight Carson," I said softly.

"K..." He murmured.

***

Carson was in the bathroom, puking his guts up. He didn't want me in there with him, but I insisted on helping him. Tyler and Danielle were out at work, so they didn't know about him getting drunk, or having a hangover. Carson coughed violently, and hacked up more alcohol. I felt so bad for him. I was rubbing his back, and putting a cold rag on the back of his neck.

Carson finally stopped throwing up, and sat against the bathtub. He looked bad... His hair was messy, his eyes were bloodshot, he was deathly pale, his voice was rough too.

"Are you okay?" I asked, flushing the toliet. Carson nodded, and held his stomach. "Want some water?" I got up, and took Carson's hand. He slowly trudged behind we reached the kitchen. I had him sit down on the floor as I got him a glass of water.

I sat down next to Carson, and gave him the glass. He stared at it with emotionless, wide eyes, and he seemed zoned out. His finger was tracing the rim of the glass, and he didn't seem to notice. He looked dead.

I laid my head on his shoulder, but that didn't seem to affect him. I don't think he noticed. He didn't even blink. Carson just continued tracing the rim. I sighed, and got up. I started walking out of the kitchen, until I felt a hand on my ankle.

"Where do you think you're going?" Carson said, in a rough voice.

"Carson, you scared the shit out of me... I'm going to go get fresh air. Wanna come?" I asked, trying to shake off his grip.

"You're not going anywhere,"

"Who says I can't?"

Carson smiled evilly, and shook his head slowly. He was scaring me... "Are you scared?"

"No, now let go,"

"Are you scared?" He repeated, and got to his feet. He pulled himself close to me, and whispered in my ear, "Because I'm not."

I shivered as I felt his breath on my ear. Honestly, I didn't know if I was truly scared right now. Sure, a little frightened, but not scared. Not scared of Carson. Carson nibbled my ear, and started kissing down to my jaw, and then he kissed my lips. I didn't kiss back.

"Makenzie,"

"Carson?"

"Kiss me back..." He whimpered, and it sounded cute. I didn't wanna listen though.

"Carson, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing,"

"Then why're you acting like this?"

"I wanted to show you how my dad did it..."

What? I was confused now. "What?"

Carson sighed, and pushed himself off of me. "That's how it started. The rape. He said and did those same exact things to me."

"And you couldn't just tell me all this? Why act it out? I was starting to get scared and worried."

"I guess I have a funny way of telling stories,"

"Fucking weirdo,"

He smiled, and took my hands in his. "I was scared... I wanted you to see why I am so scared of people touching me.." His smile saddened, and he looked down. "But I'm not scared of you, Makenzie."

"You're weird as fuck. You could've just told me instead of acting it out,"

He laughed a little. "Yeah, I guess,"

"But I'm not scared of you either, Carson." I smiled, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me and held his face in my neck. I put my hand on the back of his head, and held him close to me.

Authors Note; sorry that this chapter is so weird... I'm in a weird mood.