Our Journey 3 || Tom Holland

38. what we need

Y/N Pov.:

I rang the doorbell to Josh's house and waited until someone opened the door.

"Y/N, Tom what are you doing here ?" Josh asked but let us in.

"We are coming with questions and we need you to answer them." Tom said and sat down on the couch.

"Nice to see you guys. Did we planned to meet up ?" Evelyn came down the stairs and hugged us.

"No we didn't. Tom and i just wanted to start planning everything. But the internet is so confusing. We basically just googled 'what do you need for a baby' and thousands of list popped up. That seems all so much for a kid that will grow out of these things after months-" i said.

"Babe you ramble a bit. Calm down." Tom said and put his hand on mine.

"Sorry." i gave them an apologetic smile. "Basicly what we wanted to ask you, if you still have a baby list. I just wanna be prepared and have everything, but also not buy things that we won't use anyway."

"You know what, why don't we go upstairs and i show you it while the boys open a beer ?" Evelyn said and looked weirdly at Josh.

"Oh yeah, right. We should do that." Josh said and stood up. Evelyn pulled me up and guided me upstairs to baby Sofias room.

"Sit down. It's comfortable." she said and pointed at a big chair. "This is actually what you should buy. You need to have your own comfortable chair when you breastfeed them in the middle of the night. You don't know how many nights i accidentally fell asleep on them."

I listened to her while i got really comfortable on this rocking chair. And it was extremely comfortable.

"Here is the list we used. And sadly to say we used everything." she said and sat down next to me. "They really think about every scenario. And it's really the best if you buy more diapers than you think you need."

"Why is that ?" i asked and looked at the list closely.

"You know that the time after the baby is born is probably the most stressful time ? Because it is. You will be up all day and night, you will be tired any exhausted enough of giving birth and then the work with the baby. You will lose the track of time and fastly 2 weeks are over. Than you will be happy that you had enough diapers, to survive the 2 weeks without leaving th house." she said.

"Lovely." i said and put the list aside.

"What's up with you ? You seem stressed." she said.

"How couldn't i be ? We're talking about twins, that's a big deal." i said. "I don't know if i can do this. I know i sai i would be ready but this is scary. I mean what if i'm not good enough for giving birth to Toms baby's. What if something goes wrong ? He would hate me for the rest of his life."

"No he wouldn't. He loves you." she said.

"I never said he wouldn't. I know he loves me so much and respects me and everthing, he shows that every day. But if something goes wrong, than i'll be the murder of his children. How couldn't he hate me." i said, freaking out a little.

"You know that this seems scary. I was scared too. But nothing bad happened and nothing bad will happen to you and your little angles." she said and stroked my back. "You know i will be always here if you want to talk. And i realised that you are stressed so i called you up here, alone. But i really think you should talk with Tom about this."

"We kinda did." i said.

"'Kinda' doesn't sound like a really long and deep conversation. Have that with him and if you still need us than come over." she said.

"Thank you." i said and hugged her.

Toms Pov.:

"So how is everything going ?" Josh said and handed him the beer.

"A little crazy everthing right now but it's doing okay i would say." he said and opened the beer.

"Yeah i can see, Y/N seems stressed." Josh said.

"Yeah, she really is. I don't know what i can do to make it less. I try to be as comforting as possible but her thoughts always come back." he said.

"Did you guys talked about it ?" asked Josh.

"Yeah sometimes." Tom said.

"Doesn't sound like a real conversation." Josh said.

"It was always little talks when she had new thoughts about something could go wrong or something like that. I mean there is a lot on both our plates. We will have the premier coming up next year and she wants me to go there alone. I don't want to let her alone, what a shitty dad would i be ?" he asked himself.

"Seems like you have many thoughts too." Josh said.

"In my head are so many thoughts, so many bad thoughts too. But i can't talk about them because i know Y/N needs comfort on her own. She shouldn't handle my problems too." he breathed out.

"But you guys talked about your problems before right ?" Josh asked.

"Of course we did. We always had deep long nights talks where we talked about everything that goes on in our mind." he smiled at these memories.

"Why not anymore ?"

"Because she is pregnant. She has enough stress in her own." Tom argumented.

"But don't you think that these long deeptalks are exactly what she needs ?" Josh asked and Tom looked at him confused. "Look mate, for both of you changed a lot and will change even more. Maybe what she needs is a littl normality back. She knows that all the stress is coming up and that makes her stress even more. Maybe what she needs is to know she doesn't feel that alone, that you have also bad thoughts. Maybe think about having these late night talks again."

Tom listened to what he said. And he understood what he mean. And actually, it made sense.