Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

51. 57th expedition

When the time of the 57th expedition was about to come everyone got an order to go to the old Scouts' HQ where Levi currently was with most of his squad and Eren. It was the place from which the expedition was scheduled to start, so the day before the actual job was about to happen they all rode there. The closer they were to their destination point, the harder Sophie's heart was beating due to nervousness. She wanted to go there earlier, but was too embarrassed of herself to look at Levi. She didn't know what to say, where to start or how to apologize for everything that had happened. How was she going to face him? Not only did she try to kill him, but then pushed him away and didn't even consider his ideas on how to deal with it. Ideas that Hange confirmed to be right. She felt like a goddamn fool. It all made her recall the times when they lived Underground. She wasn't like this back then. Living above ground changed her. Made her weaker. Or maybe it was the matter of who she was with? Furlan was soft, so she had to be tough. But now she was with Levi and he played the tough one. Was that what made her softer? Their relationship? Relationship with her dead lover's friend. That thought paralysed her. She did a lot to push thoughts like this away, but right now as she was riding next to Mike and Nanaba, it all hit her hard. It made her even more ashamed of herself. Sure, she promised herself to move on. She knew that Furlan would like it. But would he like the fact that she moved on with Levi? She wasn't so sure of it. Why did she start thinking about it right now? It felt as if she was trying to do everything that was in her power to sabotage the thing that she and Levi had.

"Have you been in this HQ before?" Mike asked as they got outside of the town and entered the green area full of trees. She loved riding through places like this. Even though she left Underground years ago, she was still amazed by nature and all of the plants and animals that she hadn't seen until she left that horrible place. Unfortunately, most of the opportunities to admire the beauty of nature came with expeditions. She couldn't fully focus on appreciating it while on a mission, it would be irresponsible. That's why she tried to watch trees and plants right now, when they were in the safety of the walls.

"No," she shook her head.

"I think you'll like it. It's spacious," Mike's words were true. The building was really big and looked way richer than the place that they were currently living in. The architectural style reminded her of the HQ that they used before Wall Maria fell. Along with that resemblance came memories of her first months in the military. Months spent on loving Furlan and hating Levi. God, it was painful to think of. Luckily she was saved from these thoughts by the briefing that was held right after they arrived.

It was a briefing like no other - weirdly quick and the information they got from Erwin were general, nothing useful. Heck, they didn't even get to know about their formations. Something about it all seemed odd to Sophie, but she wasn't stupid enough to ask about it openly. At least not with all of the soldiers gathered in one place. As soon as the meeting was over she wanted to catch Erwin and talk about it, but was stopped by Petra.

"Sophie," she greeted her. "Long time no see" she scratched her head awkwardly as they linked their eyes, only to quickly avert them. They weren't talking much and no wonder why, but when they had to - they were professional about it. No hard feelings as it should be.

"Petra," she nodded at her and wanted to pass her in the hallway, but Petra stopped her.

"Now it's the squad meeting," she informed her and Sopie sighed, finally understanding the odd briefing from earlier. Clearly they were about to get familiar with details in smaller groups and she was positive that it was Erwin's idea exclusively. She didn't know why yet, but was eager to find out.

"So...," Sophie cleared her throat as they walked to the place of their meeting. She was getting tired of the awkward silence. She didn't want to be silent right now, not when her thoughts were speeding inside of her head, fighting for attention. "Did something interesting happen while I...wasn't there?"