Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

89. Two broken souls

"I'll talk to her," Eren said and they stared at one another, having a silent conversation about whether it was a right idea.

"Maybe we should give it a shot," Hange said, but she didn't sound convinced. It was probably because she felt uncomfortable after hearing what Sophie said to Levi. She never liked finding herself in the middle of people's fights. She had her own things in mind, especially now. Alas, it happened and what was even worse - they both knew she witnessed it, hence she couldn't pretend to not know about it. Furthermore, she had to watch Levi's awkward facial expression and knew too damn well why his eyes were so sad. Before she could only guess what exactly he was thinking about, what exactly Sophie did say to him and what exactly he was feeling. Now it was bright clear, she felt like she penetrated his mind and it was a feeling that both her and him didn't like.

"Maybe," Mike hummed. "Levi, what do you say?" He wanted his friend to have a final say in this as anything that was happening to Sophie was affecting him the most out of them for obvious reasons.

Levi didn't raise his head up until this moment. He looked at his friends with a blank expression on his face, there was no light in his eyes, no trail of hope like before. Hange almost gulped seeing this. "He can talk with her tomorrow. She's kinda overwhelmed," he said quietly and got up, leaving the room and going to the kitchen. The way he just abandoned the conversation shocked everyone except Hange, as it was something unusual for him. He used to sit in the room and make sure everyone heard his opinion about Sophie's case, not even once he left the room. Unfortunately, Levi felt overwhelmed himself.

How could he not? Furlan would get it, her words echoed in his head, everytime hurting as much as the first time he heard it. How could something so insignificant make him feel like shit? All this time that he was insecure about her previous relationship, all this time that she kept on convincing him that Levi was her big love...was it all just a lie? Was he some sort of substitute? Did she lean towards him just because he reminded her of him in some odd way? Was it because they were all in the Underground together and sticking with Levi prevented her from forgetting about it? Was he just ensuring her that everything that happened between her and Furlan was real? He felt sick just thinking about it. He felt weak. No, he was weak, crying over everything these days like a pathetic loser. Maybe that's who he was to Sophie right now, maybe all this time actually. It seemed like he would never know. No, actually that's untrue. She was so honest with him these days, so brutal and rough in her choice of words...why would she be so cruel if not because she finally wanted to be honest? To free herself from a burden that he and his love were? Because it had to be a burden for her, right? She made it seem like this the last couple of days.

But what forced her to say all of this, he wondered. She changed, of course that played a part, but what exactly did change about her mindset that she felt like bringing Furlan up? Did being abducted changed her view on life in some twisted kind of way? Did it freed her from pretending? Did she realise life's too short to waste it on relationships that you didn't care about? Whatever it was, it hurt as fuck and Levi couldn't wrap his head around the idea of not being with her. His heart kept on refusing to accept this option, even though it felt like it was going that way now.

How long would he be willing to wait for her? Forever, time was meaningless for him when it came to her, that was obvious. The real question was - would he still be able to live in a shadow, watch her from a safe distance, making sure that she's alright without her knowing about it? The idea made him feel even more sick. His head was slipping into pessimistic scenarios involuntarily and he couldn't stop his thoughts from becoming even more awful.

He spent the whole day trailing around their house with a gloomy grimace on his face, deep in his own thoughts. No one dared to bother him, except when they wanted to update him that Sophie ate and went to sleep. He just acknowledged the message. He looked like an empty shell that had no flavour inside. That's how others perceived him as well. For once their assumption about him felt completely right, so when the following day Eren went to see Sophie, he didn't even bother going upstairs and listening if everything was alright. He felt too tired, too hurt, too heartbroken to monitor what was going on inside, that job was for now on Mike's shoulders.