Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

34. 34th expedition

It was early in the morning and Erwin went down to the canteen to eat his breakfast. Just as he entered the place he felt hands around his neck and he tensed, not knowing what's going on. "Happy third anniversary of becoming commander, Commander!" Hange yelled close to his ear and he flinched, not used to someone being this loud this close.

"Hange, don't make it a big deal" he said as he slowly untangled himself from her hold.

"I told her to save it for the fifth anniversary" Moblit said, quickly joining Hange's side. Seems like he didn't soothe her enthusiasm this time.

"How about not celebrating it at all?" he asked, smiling softly.

It has been three years already. Maybe he would be happy about it if that number didn't remind him of something else. He got this position the same year the fall of Wall Maria happened. Instead of being happy that he lasted this long in this position, he was frustrated. That number kept on reminding him that he wasn't as brilliant as people thought he was. If he indeed was a human of a great mind he would have retaken the lost district a long time ago, right? He almost chuckled bitterly thinking about it again. He was thinking, creating plans for retaking this place every day and night, nothing was stopping him from that. All of his attention completely focused on this one goal. Nothing else. How was he supposed to convince the government to fund more equipment to the Survey Corps if they couldn't do the one job they were expected to?

He tensed thinking about this. He grabbed a plate and sat alone, hoping that no one would bother him. He wanted to be alone. He didn't need a company to remind him of how much of a failure he was. He felt as if everyone were thinking the same. Happy third anniversary of becoming commander , they were saying. He thought that they really meant it's been three years and you still didn't save us, what kind of a leader are you? He was asking that question himself. Every single night. His facial features got more sharp during this time due to stress. He looked older. They all did. Only Hange seemed to stay as care-free as she was when she joined the Scouts.

Even Sophie seemed older. Her face stayed young, yet something about her eyes has changed. They were more absent now, sadder as well. She was often drifting away with her thoughts and dark circles under her eyes happened to be her permanent company which was making her similar to Levi. Except that his dark circles were more noticeable. It looked like this man never had a proper sleep. Erwin wouldn't be surprised about that. Hange said that it would explain his constant grumpiness.

"Someone's in a mood today" Sophie said as she joined him at his table. It was rather rare. She often ate with Hange's squad which she was a part of now.

"I had a rough night, it's nothing" Erwin said, averting her eyes. He didn't want her to see how much of a disaster he was right now. "Why aren't you with Hange right now?"

"You know...she can sometimes be a bit-"

"Too much?" He finally looked at her and she smiled, relieved that he abandoned his initial plan to avoid her look. He smiled as well. Maybe she wasn't treating him as a failure after all.

"Yeah" she agreed, chuckling. "She insisted that I should draw titans more precisely, so my hands are in pain lately" she showed him the corns on her fingers. She was lying though. It didn't hurt. At least not after she fed herself with pills that she was now buying regularly, whenever she saved the right amount of money. She had a good opportunity to purchase them when she was visiting the capital as Erwin's companion, his ears and eyes.

Those trips often ended with them kissing heavily at the back of a tavern or in the dark of his or her room. The place wasn't important, they just wanted to feel the closure of each other's bodies. But they never went further than that. He never got a chance to undress her or fill her body. She didn't let him. He was fine with that. I can wait, he said three years ago and he didn't change his mind. It was happening only in the capital anyway. When they were coming back they were forgetting it all. Their little weirdness which they both enjoyed in secret.