Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

18. Silence

Erwin wanted to keep the promise that he gave to Levi, thus he started thinking of the best way to approach Sophie and get into the subject he had to bring up. He didn't want to have this conversation in the hospital wing. There were too many people and he figured that she wouldn't like that and feel comfortable discussing very private moments, especially in such a hard time for her. Heck, if he had a choice he would postpone that conversation for later, way later. But he had no time. He promised Levi that he will take care of that matter at the very same time. He had to do that before that brilliant man would leave the Survey Corps and get somewhere else. If that would happen Erwin was sure that it would be really hard to convince Levi to come back. That's why he also prepared a plan B, just in case if he wouldn't convince Sophie on time or at all.

"Aaron" he called one of the soldiers passing him in the hallway by his name. He liked to pay attention to such small details as other's names. Commander Shadis laughed at him for that.

"Why are you filling your head with their names? It's not your squad" Keith Shadis said one time while he was walking with Erwin in the courtyard. It was almost midnight, but a few soldiers were still wandering around, failing to find a place for themselves. They just returned from the expedition.

"I know" Erwin commented on Keith's second sentence. "But I like to think that it makes their day better" as he said it Shadis smirked, trying really hard to hold back his laughter, but it was difficult.

"You got a full education, isn't that right Smith?" he asked in return.

"I did, sir" he nodded. "I made through it"

"Don't be modest. I read your files"

"I thought that you never do that, sir"

"Don't feel special. I only do that when I think of promoting someone" he explained. Suddenly it made sense for Erwin. He was just promoted for a squad leader, it actually was his first expedition - guiding his very own team. "But as I said, I read those files. You were top student" he glared at Erwin as he said that, thinking that maybe that young soldier would blush hearing the compliment like all of them did, but he only nodded, letting him know that his words were noted. It kind of made Shadis respect that young man. "I expected more from a top student, then thinking that knowing names will make soldiers feel better. Look at them carefully" he commanded and Erwin did it.

They all looked depressed, eyes full of tears, grimaces on their faces telling that they've been to hell and far beyond. All of them were broken, exhausted, terrified. "Do you really think that calling them by their name will make them feel better? Besides, there's such a rotation of people here. One day they're here, the next day they're in titan's maw. There's no point of learning all of that while you could use space in your brain for learning tactics"

"There's a place for all of that" Erwin slightly smiled. Even though he didn't agree with Shadis he still remained polite and respectful. Damnit, it made Keith's respect for him even bigger. "They may seem not to be better by it, perhaps it doesn't make a difference for them. But I want them to feel needed, feel seen. Maybe then...they will think that they're not just another meaningless corps to feed titans" he almost whispered. That confession caught Shadis off guard.

"Just don't make them feel weak" Keith grunted and they continued their walk in silence.

"Squad leader Smith!" soldier saluted him in response.

"Take this and hand it to Commander-in-chief Zachary" he gave him a pile of papers, which he took and nodded. "Oh, and Aaron?"

"Yes, squad leader?"