Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

86. Reunion

Did she feel something when she saw him? When she saw that face that haunted her in her dreams or whenever she reached that old part of her? Yes, she felt something. She felt curious about how she would feel if she wasn't deprived of all of her emotions. Would she switch sides and join him? Would she rush towards him and protect him with her own body, pulling him close? Would she link their lips the second he looked at her? Or would she cry? Would she be devastated? She didn't know, she was clueless as she spent too much time as...whatever she was, to actually recognize her old instincts, to predict her behaviour. It was frustrating - to see a person so close to her previously and to not feel anything towards him. God, she was mad at herself, yet couldn't direct the anger at herself. She was forbidden to do that by Willy and she couldn't escape this wish of his even though he was somewhere else, unable to control her directly.

"What the-" one of the Leitzes tried to say, but Margaret didn't let anyone explain the situation. She just fired her gun towards the enemy and Sophie's eyes slightly widened as she saw the bullet rushing at Levi. She felt as if she watched it in slow motion. Should she save him? That question echoed in her head and she had no time to think about it. Every nanosecond counted. Choosing a side right now was crucial.

Choosing? There's no choice in it, she reminded herself. She was a Leitz, a ruthless, cruel Leitz that would do anything to secure her and Tybur families. She couldn't get herself distracted with an Ackerman, with an enemy. No matter how much that old part of her would like her to do that. That part was never coming back anyway. Then why did she bother herself with these thoughts?

She watched as the bullet almost hit Levi, but he was pulled from its range by Mikasa who stood behind him. "Cover!" The girl said and he did it, even though she noticed a slight struggle on his face. He hesitated, it was undoubtful. That man who she married, who didn't find her before, hesitated now. He didn't want to fight, did he?

"The fuck you're standing here for?!" Margaret yelled at her and she snapped back to reality, avoiding the shot from the Scouts' side as she covered behind one of the shelves and picked the gun from her pocket - something she found unnecessary to carry around, yet Willy insisted that she should have one with her at all times. Now she was going to use it. She had to.

She pulled the trigger and felt something she didn't expect herself to. Guilt. She felt guilty for shooting at these people. Not because she could hurt them, but because she could hurt that part of her that lived deep down inside of her. She knew that miserable, weak bitch was going to give her a hard time at nights if she actually succeeded at hurting them.

The sound of guns firing one after another filled the building, but judging by the noises on both sides she could tell her team was winning. Not that she cared. She didn't care about anything at this point. Maybe she could just put her gun down and wait for whichever side to win and do whatever they felt like, preferably kill her for treason? It would be godsend truthfully. She thought about it for a brief moment, but just as she tried to actually drop the weapon, she couldn't do it. She gritted her teeth as her hand clenched more on the gun, her hand involuntarily raising up. Tybur's influence. It was clearly getting stronger if he managed to force her to fight even from a second end of the city. It was infuriating. Maybe that's why she growled and shot the gun again. This time she hurt one of them, it was Mike that she shot. She almost chuckled bitterly, remembering how many wounds this man had received in the past. He had great stamina, that had to be said. It would take quite a lot of time to kill this man, but what other choice did she have? Maybe she chose him subconsciously? Maybe she chose him exactly because it would take her lots of time to get him killed. Oh, she would love to cry right now as her old part was screaming at her, giving her a headache, forcing her to allow emotions not only acknowledge their existence deep within. Alas, she couldn't do it. Fuck, she would gladly aim the gun at herself. One shot and it would be over. She would finally get some peace. No, she was brutally forced to abandon this idea once again. It felt like she was going circled in her own head. She hesitated, she wanted to kill herself, she was prevented from it, she felt rage, she directed it at the only living beings in the area that she was allowed to take her frustration on - Scouts. Then she hesitated again. It was unbearable. She loathed herself, the lack of strength to break the chains of her attachment to Willy.