Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

102. Trepidation

When Levi heard that, it felt like the air was forcefully knocked out of his lungs and a massive rock hit his chest. Ackerman farms. He didn't misheard that, there was no chance for that. He wouldn't come up with such a creepy, awful thing. Never in a million years. He could barely wrap his head around the idea that Sophie did. Was it her idea to name it like that? Or her fucked up family's? He had to know as the innocent name for it was enraging, it caused him cold shivers and anger that made his blood boil. He wished to punch something and thus his fists clenched involuntarily.

At that moment he didn't see his wife when he looked at her. No, he stared into these emerald eyes and they weren't familiar. They weren't her eyes. They were the eyes of a Leitz. That's who he saw, a cruel creature that apparently not only chased down Ackermans but also breeded them for a fucking fun. God, he loathed that family. He wished to take revenge. To make them pay for bloodshed they caused his lineage.

"Levi," the sound of her voice echoed in his head and he wished to throw it away. The voice of a woman he loved more than himself seemed so wrong to yearn for at the moment. It felt almost as if he was betraying his name. As if he spitted on his ancestors' graves just by standing next to her, without releasing the newfound anger. "P-please say s-something," she was clearly trembling, her voice surprisingly high and quiet. She was miserable, he could tell. Alas , what was he supposed to do with that? What was he supposed to say?

Don't worry. It's alright. It's not your fault. You can't be responsible for what your family does. We need to separate ourselves from their crap. You're not a Leitz. You're an Ackerman, because you married me. He should've said that for the sake of their marriage, for the sake of Sophie's conscience, for the sake of their baby. But he couldn't force himself to say any of that. It was too much right now. The truth cut him deeper than he would have ever expected. It was kind of irrational if he'd think about it, yet he couldn't. It was just too damn difficult right now.

He lowered his head just to avert her eyes as he couldn't bear to look at her. He knew that if he did that it would kill her. First he needed to regain control of his own feelings, calm himself down. Otherwise there was no point in conversation.

Unfortunately, Sophie couldn't understand that. For the first time she didn't know what was going on inside Levi's head and it worried her greatly. She was relieved to confess it as there was no more hiding. Everything was on the table. Alas, she was deeply concerned that what she said damaged their relationship irretrievably. That there was no coming back from the path she chose. "Levi...," she tried again, but she could only say his name as the rest of the sentence stuck in her mouth.

"I...," he tried to speak as well, yet had as much trouble with it as she did. Fucking hell. He felt trapped. With every minute his anger was increasing and not only that, there was sadness crawling on the surface, the sense of betrayal. These feelings felt righteous and unjustifiable at the same time. It was fucking with his head. He wished to cry from overwhelment. but there were no tears in his eyes. Nothing. He was like a broken shell that had to adjust to her confession, adapt to living with the knowledge he both needed and hated to possess.

A similar question echoed in their heads. Levi wondered if he would turn back time to never hear her say that and Sophie was asking herself would she stop herself from telling him about it if she could make this decision again. These two weren't simple to answer nor to think about. Oh, it felt like they were stuck with one another at this moment, unable to move, to reconcile or split. The uncertainty was agonising.

"I'm really sorry. I truly am. Levi...please," she wept, no longer able to hold her tears back. Her pregnancy hormones weren't helping in keeping calm, even though she was sure she would cry even if she wasn't carrying his child. "Please, say something. Anything," she begged as she reached with her hand for his arm. He put his hand on her own and her heart fluttered, suddenly she was filled with a whole new dose of hope that she yearned for so much. She finally believed that her confession wasn't as devastating as she originally thought. She believed that he would say it's alright. That's them. Fuck them. We're different. We're our own family. We can even abandon our names. Her heart seemed to speed up without a slowing point, reaching new heights of fast pounding in her chest.