Silent Love, Silent Pain [Levi x OC]

77. The key to happiness

After Levi and Sophie shared the news with the rest of the Scouts they got silent for a while, processing through their words. They couldn't blame them, it seemed to be their new way of reacting, a habit that was forced on them by the amount of shocking information they had to encounter almost every day now. It was upsetting at this point and Levi had enough of it.

He remembered the time when he couldn't sleep at night because the images of his dead comrades were haunting him, a shitload of corpses underneath him, staring with their dead eyes at him almost as if they were calling for him to join them, almost as if they were accusing him for their deaths. There were days where he woke up all sweaty, breathing heavily because of these nightmares. He still had them, but they weren't as oppressive and frightening as they used to. Now his dreams were focused on the people that were still alive, people like the brats from his squad, his friends, his wife. Every single day and night he was worried about their safety, especially now that each information was making him feel more and more helpless, unuseful. Not good enough to protect them. The dangers that they were facing seemed to get bigger every single day and he prayed for it to stop. He prayed that the next day wouldn't abound in more obstacles on the way to their freedom and happiness. And everytime he was disappointed. It haunted him in his sleep, making it impossible for him to close his eyes without worry.

Hopeless. That's just how it felt and it made him want to punch a fucking wall, ruin it completely and somehow create by that a magical solution for all the wrongs that seemed to chase after them. He just wanted to pull his wife close and be like a normal goddamn couple, that only had to worry about the down-to-earth problems, not like them. God, if only he could, he would take all of that suffering on himself, freeing Sophie and the rest from the burdens of belonging to the Eldian race.

"Are you alright?" Sophie whispered. They were sitting in Erwin's bedroom, discussing the information and Levi took a seat in the corner of the room, staying quiet for the entire briefing. His wife noticed how exhausted he was, how heavy his body felt next to hers and how his eyes were lacking light. Even though he remained calm, she knew that it was a different type of calmness than usual. He usually was calm in a way that made her reassured that he's in control, certain that things were going to turn out fine no matter what. Now it wasn't like that. It was the kind of calmness that made her realise that he felt out of control, at mercy of faith.

"I'll be after this fucking war," he whispered back, massaging his temple strongly. If only his fingers could sink in his flesh he would let them, just to focus on a more acceptable kind of pain for a moment. Sophie wrapped her hands around him and rested her head on his shoulder. Her fingers started brushing his body soothingly and soon after that he got less tense.

"I think that Willy Tybur might be the secret ruler," Eren said after a while, making everyone in the room focused on him. "Even when Lara was the Warhammer titan he was the head of the Tybur family. I think he must possess some leader traits that made him that,"

"He definitely has to if he made himself capable of declaring war on us," Erwin replied. "But as Eric said, these events that you've seen were projected from some other version of you. We can't tell how possible it is to have the same system of power in here as well," he said.

"I've thought you're quite a gambler," Sophie said, she gifted him with a weak smile that he barely returned. He was tired, they all were and the war didn't even start for fuck's sake! It made her wonder how knackered they will be when the time for a fight comes.

"I am, but the stakes are far too high and the chances far too less to risk like that. Things already played out differently than in Eren's memories. I'm alive, we came here after months not years. We met Burgesses and Leitzes. We don't know what else can happen," he shook his head. "Besides, it's not only our lives. Should I remind you that whatever we're going to do now will most likely impact the lives of every Eldian in this world?"