Across The Stars - A Kai Havertz Fanfiction

Chapter 43 - Panic

Hey guys, sorry for the long break. There are a few things I'm really struggling with right now and on top I kinda have a blockade when it comes to writing in English. I hope it'll get better soon because I love writing for y'all but I cannot promise anything. I hope you understand it❤️enjoy the chapter ❤️

It's only a few minutes of driving but I don't really notice anything during the drive. Not even as Kai gets me out of his car and carries me upstairs into his apartment I get back mentally. I'm too panicked. All I can focus in right now is breathing but not even that is working, I just can't breathe, I can't inhale. I desperately fight for air whilst my body is shaking hard and I'm sweating as hell. Kai carries me into the living room and puts me down on the sofa.

"Gigi, Shhhh, it's okay. They're gone. You're safe. And I'm here with you, I protect you.", Kai says whilst hugging me but I just can't calm down that way. The paparazzi, the flashes of their cameras and the things they said... It all just really... I'm totally overwhelmed and scared and not able to function at the moment. It reminds me of... Of things I never wanted to think about ever again. And that makes me go crazy even more, I'm literally freaking out on the inside. But the only thing I let out is a frantic rattle whilst still shaking and having my eyes more from side to side very fast.

Kai gently grabs my upper arms, applies soft pressure and says: "Gigi. Tell me five things you see." The five senses tactics. I told him about it some weeks ago after I had a little anxiety attack. Basically your let the other person tell you things they see, hear, feel, smell and taste and since they're concentrating on that they calm down.

"I... I see... You. I s-see the lights of London Eye. I see the c-cook b-books in the kitchen. I see the pictures from our seventh date. And the spa-spaghetti.", I stutter whilst my eyes roll from the left to the right, up and down and just everywhere. "Good, baby girl.", Kai says, "and now four things you hear." I try to concentrate on what I hear but it's really hard because I'm still crying and shaking. Therefore it takes a moment until I'm able to really hear the noises that surround me. Kai's soft voice whispering lovely words. The building site in front of the building. The heater. And music from the apartment right under ours. Paradise City by guns'n'roses. A good song. And concentrating on the melody really helps calming down a little, my heartbeat slowly becomes slower and slower and as Kai keeps asking I can easily tell him what I feel and hear and in the end what I smell.

This is when I manage to fully calm down. It's my favourite smell. It smells like Kai. Obviously, I'm lying in his arms with my nose pressed against his shoulder. But there ain't no other smell that I'd rather smell right now, it's so calming and so...comforting. I just love it and so I calm down more and more. Now I'm just shaking and crying quietly but the panic attack is gone. Kai just holds me, kisses my face and keeps telling me sweet things. And that really helps me a lot. I really don't deserve this man.