Lost in You

Chapter 14

I pull the jacket tighter around me when I step out on the rooftop. A cold breeze stirs the calm night air. Marius leans against the handrail, gazing over the fading city lights below us. When the door closes behind me, he turns around. And smiles. My heart skips a beat. I was nervous to get here, even when he is the one who asked me to come. Who wanted to see me. "I wasn't sure you'd come. I know I should have just looked for you inside, during the day. But things got busy and I-" he shrugs. I'm not sure if it's because he can't remember the fitting English word or because he simply doesn't know what else to say. I cross the rooftop to stand next to him. "I wasn't sure if I'd come at first either." I put my hand on the handrail next to his and can feel the heat of his skin against mine. "We never got the chance to really get to know each other in person. It was all online. That made it surreal," I say. He nods. "There were times when I wondered if I'd even recognize you when I'm back here," he admits. I lower my eyes. "At least I saw you on TV." When I look up he's still staring at me as if he can't believe that I'm there. Or like he's making sure that he can still remember my face tomorrow morning. "So you said." "And you did well, right?" I say. After what I've seen I would have thought him to be in a more euphoric mood. He mumbles something agreeing. We look out over houses for a while, watch the stars appear over the mountains and the moon climb the sky. Wisps of clouds drift by and a promise of snow hangs in the air. "How were your exams?" he asks. His voice sounds too loud in the night. Standing here together in silence hadn't felt as bad as it should have, considering we're basically strangers. "Fine, I guess. Some I'm sure I've passed and for others, I'll have to wait for the grades to be published. Either way, I'm glad that is over for now and I can focus on being here this time." I lean against the wall and want to push my hands in my pockets to keep them from freezing, but he still has his next to mine and I don't want to break that. "How long are you staying here this time?" "A month before we both go back to our families to spend the rest of the time at home." He nods slowly as if he's calculating something. I know he'll be gone in a week and I'll be home before the season ends for him. The way he looks from me to the horizon makes me guess that he's thinking about the same thing. "I'd love to see you more often after you leave this time," I say, just to see his reaction. He sighs. "I know. I wish we had more time as well." I smile. "What's it like to travel around that much?" Not that I never travelled anywhere, but we usually went for a week or two and then stayed at one place before going back home. I can't imagine what it's like to live out of suitcase and only have a few days here and there to get home and unpack. "Fun most of the time. But it does get a lot when doing it through the whole of winter. I never really get to enjoy what it's like to come home after a day of work. It's all impersonal hotel rooms that start to blur together after a while." I think back to our own hotel room that will be Maja's and mine home for the next month. Maja has already started placing photos and books on her nightstand to make it feel more like a home. I'm planning to do the same thing once I find the time. Because I wouldn't like to live in a hotel room with blank walls for a month either. "You don't take anything from home with you?" I ask, not sure if I'm getting too personal. "A few photos. A talisman that I get from home sometimes. But no, not much. With all the packing and unpacking, that would make it only worse after a while." I still try to imagine it, but I only shake my head. I stopped going home every other weekend because the travelling was too annoying for me. I couldn't do that every three days. "What about the people you travel with?" I ask instead. I'm not sure I'd consider staying this long without Maja at my side. And he smiles as well. "You become a big family after a while. With fights and bad moods, but it's fun most of the time." I nod. "Maja feels like a sister since we moved in together," I say, still remembering the evening we were both cuddled under one blanket, watching him win instead of studying. But also all the times when some small thing erupted into a fight that we made sure to get out of the way again before one of us would go home. Only there is one thing that Maja and I don't have to deal with. "But you're competing against each other. It's your job to compete against each other," I say. That would be nothing like the little games Maja and I play against each other. But he only gives me a side glance and smiles. "And still we're family. We train with each other sometimes and we know what everyone's going through. So we also celebrate each other as well." I lean forward against the cold metal and look towards the mountains that are only shapes illuminated by moonlight now. "That sounds beautiful," I say. "It is in a way," he says more like he's talking to himself. Then I feel his hand brushing against mine and look up. He's not looking at me, but neither has he moved. I smile when he does look down. Like that was all he'd been waiting for, he covers my hand with his. It's as cold as mine, but neither of us seems to care. Nor do we need to speak. Another breeze plays with my hair. The moon climbs a little higher and the world around us falls silent. I watch people draw the curtains close and turn off the lights. When I start to shiver in the cold, I instinctively step closer towards him and he squeezes my hand a little. When the church bells ring midnight in the distance, we both flinch a little and it's like some charm is broken. I yawn and he stretches. I feel stiff from the cold as well and suddenly long for my warm bed. "We should go back inside. I need to be up early tomorrow," he says, but sounds sorry about it. I sigh. "Me too. But we'll be able to see each other again, right?" His fingers brush my hand again. "Sure. We're in the same hotel, it's very likely that we'll cross paths again." I can tell by his smile that he'll definitely try to make it happen. So will I, but it's more fun if he doesn't know that.