Lost in You

Chapter 36

"I need the timetable," I say as soon as I'm back in our hotel room and start going through the drawers without waiting for an answer. Maja turns down the volume on the TV and watches me instead. "You met him?" she asks, her voice is distant. I sigh and turn around to her. "Yes. It was his idea and I said yes. I know this is bad. I know I shouldn't give in that easily, but I needed to see him again. We needed to talk," I say and shut the drawer I was going through again. "You know that nothing has changed over the summer, right?" I can tell that Maja holds herself back from being too disapproving. My nails dig into the desk behind me. Out of frustration because I know she's right and I would be better off to text Marius right now that I don't want to meet him tomorrow and then delete his number once and for all. Because I can still taste his lips on mine and I want more. I need more. "That's why we want to meet tomorrow. To have a night to think about the fact that we missed each other. That we kissed tonight." As expected, Maja's eyes widen. "You did what?" She sounds like I feel. Excited and skeptical at the same time. "It just happened. Once we started talking, it was like we never stopped," I say. "Look, I watched you the whole summer. I know you weren't feeling well, no matter what you told me. And in contrast to you, I followed the competitions. He didn't look as well either. I promised I'd be there for you if you needed to talk. So if this is what you think you need, what both of you need, then all I want is for you to make a plan that leaves you less hurting than you were last in winter." I give up my search and crawl on the bed next to her. "I don't have a plan. But I want to make one so badly. And I will talk to him again tomorrow. Find out if what I've been feeling tonight, this familiarity, will still be there in the daylight, when we spend more time together than a few stolen moments on the rooftop." "I'm getting really curious about this rooftop that you keep talking about," Maja says and grins. "I can show it to you. Tomorrow after work?" I offer, but Maja shakes her head and pulls a flyer out of her the drawer in her nightstand. "I think this is what you've been looking for. And don't worry about me right now. I'll find the rooftop on my own. Who knows who I meet up there." Maja winks and gives me the flyer. It's the timetable for the competition days, exactly what I've been searching. "Thank you. And don't worry. I've learned my lesson, I won't be recklessly throwing myself into another relationship or whatever he has in mind. We'll be taking a walk and talk. Nothing will happen tomorrow and by the time he has to leave, I'll know what I'll do." Maja raises her eyebrows. "You mean in two days you'll have decided if there is a chance for you two again or if you let him go for good?" "I promise that I'll either have a good plan that he'll like as well or I'll delete his number from my phone," I say to Maja, hating myself for making the promise but knowing that I'll need her to hold me accountable. Or the next summer won't be any better than the last. "I won't let you forget about that," Maja warns and I take a deep breath. "Good. That's why I've been talking to you." "Will you tell him as well? That the next two days will decide over your future?" I shake my head. "That'll only put too much pressure on our conversations. This is something I need to do with myself. And only for myself. I'll have to listen to my feelings." Maja smiles. "Good luck with that." I throw a pillow at her. "Don't doubt me!" Maja laughs and throws the pillow back. "I would never do that." Then she turns the volume up again and we watch the rest of the film without talking about my relationship status again.