Lost in You

Chapter 26

"You'll regret it if you don't go," Maja says, pulling my blanket away from me so fast, I can't catch it anymore. As she's also ripped the window open already, I'm hit with a gust of cold air. "You said that I shouldn't get too deep into this. Shouldn't you be relieved I'm not running downstairs to him right now?" I give back and sit up in a weak attempt to get my blanket back. I don't want to get up. I want to stay in a life of dreams, in the paradise that I skied through only yesterday. Today is the day Marius needs to leave, no chance to delay it anymore. We've already had as many days together as we possibly could. Still, it comes too early. "I am not. You've started this and you've been smiling continuously for the past week as a result, now I don't want you to mess up at the end. I know you'll keep complaining to me if you don't go now," Maja says and looks to the door as if she hopes for a knock that relieves her of the task to get me to go downstairs. I sigh and get up, standing next to the bed a little disorientated for a moment because something in me still resits the thought of going into the lobby and saying goodbye for the second time. But then again, I know that Maja is right. Looking back, I know I'll want to have gone. "I won't be long. No one will even notice I didn't go directly to work, promise," I say while I put on my jeans. Maja rolls her eyes. "Don't worry about that. I can cover for you if there really should be questions or problems, but chances are good that someone's going to see you in the lobby anyway and most likely understand what's going on. As long as we've got everything done by tonight, I don't think anyone will complain," she says while throwing the blanket back on my bed and tying the apron around her waist. I decide to leave that part of our uniform for after I've said goodbye. "Still, I want to make it quick," I say before I leave in a haste. I've spent too much time not wanting to get up when I knew when he would leave. There won't be time for a long goodbye now anyway and he hasn't texted me and demanded to know where I am yet either. Although I did promise I'd be there when he checks out. A reminder of the last time he left, when he asked for my number. I smile at the thought. "Just go now," Maja urges when I still hesitate in the door, looking at my phone. Maybe I've already missed him. Maybe he didn't want a goodbye like me and left without a word. The urge in Maja's voice draws me out of my thoughts and makes me finally move. I close the door behind me, jog through the corridor and sprint down the stairs because I don't have the patience for the lift this morning. When I arrive in the lobby, I'm out of breath, but they're still there, Marius standing a little aside from a few other people checking out. I can't tell if they're leaving together or if Marius is really the last one to leave. Because of me. He looks up the moment I stumble into the lobby and smiles. It looks honest and relieved and makes it even harder for me to catch my breath while I walk to him, slowly now. "I started to think you wouldn't come," he says and pulls me into a kiss. "If Maja hadn't insisted I might not have gotten up. I hate goodbyes," I admit. He nods. "Me too. But I had no choice but to get up if I don't want to miss even more competitions." A reminder of the reason we've gotten to know each other in the first place. And the tone of his voice indicates that even if he never says so, even if he keeps saying that he's glad we met, he's not fully over the things that might have been, had he not fallen sick. "But I would have regretted letting you go without seeing you one last time," I continue. He takes my hand and presses it. "This is not a goodbye forever. We've got our phones. We've got the chance to meet again, especially while I'm still around here and you're not back at Uni yet. We'll be fine," he says, but I'm not sure if the words are meant to convince me or himself. "I know. I mean we've done this before, we can do it again, right? Especially after we had these days to get to know each other better," I say, holding on to my own words like it's a lifeline in a rocky sea. I don't want to cry right now. Not in front of him, especially not in the lobby and before I have to start working, because chances are I wouldn't stop so soon. "Exactly. You'll see, it'll feel like no time before we meet again," he says with a smile. I doubt that, but smile back and agree. While he'll have competitions to prepare for and will travel from one place to the next with all sort of things going on around him that he'll have to focus on, I'll be here, working. I'll see the places that remind me of him every day. I'll have moments where I forget that he left and find myself going towards his room, longing for the end of work to meet him. And when I'm back in Munich in two weeks, and Maja and I are supposed to enjoy the rest of our break, it'll be even worse. There I won't even have the distraction of work. Only the sweet torture of looking forward to the weekends to see him on TV without actually being able to be there myself. Before I can stop myself, I pull him towards me and kiss him again without another word, because I wouldn't know what to say. The kiss deepens until I'm filled with warmth and have to blink away tears at the same time. How could this get so confusing? "I have to go," he whispers against my lips when we stop. I swallow, lick my lips and step back, out of his arm. The feeling is the same as a few minutes ago when Maja took my blanket and open the window to the chill morning air. "I know. Goodbye and good luck. I'll be watching and cross my fingers," I promise because I know I'll be unable to do anything else. "Thank you. I promise we'll find a way to see each other again soon," he says and hugs me once more before he takes his bags and goes to the now-empty reception. I stay where I am, even as Sophie gives me an empathetic look. I watch as they go through the routine of checking out, telling myself each second that I should go upstairs where Maja must have started working by now. But the moment he puts his papers away and slings a back over his shoulder, I run to him and kiss him once more. We don't exchange any words when I finally let him go. Only a warm smile of him and me waving until the front doors close behind him and I force myself to go back to the lift so that I don't have to watch him get into the car with the rest of the team and drive away.