Lost in You

Chapter 39

The next day it turns out that I wouldn't have needed the timetable. Maja ends up convincing me to go to the hill and watch the qualification. Afterward, she leaves for the party tent with Sophie and her boyfriend while I make my way to the exit to tell Marius where I am. We stood back this time, not letting him see us earlier. Not because I told them to, but because we were late and there were already a lot of people around the fencing. Instead, Maja and Sophie opted for a place closer to the booth selling food and drinks. I'm at the exit. Maja made me come and watch. I text before going to the edge of the road, out of the way of all the people that hurry past me to get back home and warm up. Stay there. I take the lift back down and meet you there. I send a thumbs up and take a deep breath to prepare myself for him. For spending the rest of the afternoon together again. For the conversation, we need to have if I want to stay true to the promise I made last night. It still seems too soon when I see him coming towards me through the now emptier arena. "We should walk back this time," I say instead of a greeting and take a step back to stop him from touching me. We'll need a clear head for this conversation. He puts his hands behind his back as if to show me that he got the message. "I didn't mean to scare you away last night," he says. My lips still tingle with the memory of the kiss that I've been longing for for a long time. "You haven't scared me away. I was confused by my own feelings," I admit and start walking down the road, away from the hill. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks after a pause. I shrug, then shake my head. "I don't know. That is kind of the point of us meeting right now. To figure out what we want. And what we can do about it," I say. He lets his hands sink again, brushing my knuckles with his in the process. I'm not sure it's purely a coincidence. By the way he looks away in a failed attempt to hide a smile, I doubt it. "You were better today," I point out. He looks back at me. "I know. It felt good. Only I needed that in a competition. Are you better at skiing by now?" His voice becomes teasing, easing the tension a little. I smile. "I didn't exactly have the chance to practice over the summer," I say. He chuckles. "So you'll still need help stopping?" I box his arm. "I didn't need help at the end. I was good." He raises an eyebrow. "That wasn't good. That was basic knowledge to survive on skis." I can't help but laugh. It's what we needed. Our teasing. Remembering what made us good together. It breaks the ice that's been there from the moment I stumbled into the lobby and didn't know what else to do but to wave and flee. The rest of the afternoon, I feel it again. That we work together. That by the time we get back to the hotel, I feel like I laughed more that day than the whole summer. Before we enter the hotel, he touches my arm and I stop to turn around to him. "This was a good day," he says to me, soft enough for only me to hear, despite us being in the middle of the parking space. "Me too." I bite my lower lip, but then decide that I have nothing more to lose. After the promise I made to Maja, I need to risk it all in these couple of days. "Maybe that thing we had is not completely finished yet," I say. His eyes widen for a second. "You mean you're reconsidering your decision?" I shrug. The second of courage is gone. I wonder if I've said too much too soon. "I'm saying I don't want to let you go just yet." His hand wanders down my arm, slowly, creating goosebumps on my arm despite the thick jacket separating his fingers from my skin. He stops when he reaches my hand and takes it. Gently, not with the same confidence that once would have been there. I don't pull away. "Then don't consider me gone just yet," he says. His voice sounds a little rougher now. I swallow. "Only promise you won't forget that this has ended badly once before." "I couldn't forget that."