Lost in You

Chapter 46

We arrive too early of course and spend the time strolling over the place because I'm incapable of standing still until Maja says that we need to go back if we want to make sure to stand at a place where he'll be able to see me. And even if the qualification starts soon after that, time drags on like it wants to torture me. And when I finally hear his name, see him land a few meters away from us, it's not much better either. Because I still have to wait. For him to change, to make his way towards. And when he finally sees me, smiles and waves, while I know I'm doing the right thing, I still have to wait to talk to him. That's not a conversation I want to have here, with the crowd around us listening. "Another surprise? And you brought Maja this time," he says and stops in front of us, as unsure of what to do in front of everyone as I am, so I take the pressure off both of us. "Yes. And I need to talk to you later. I think I might have a plan for us." He seems frozen for a moment. "Then I don't think I can wait until we're back at the hotel. There'll be a concert and a firework later. Meet me upstairs, outside the café then, when everyone's looking at the firework show." "Sounds perfect," I say with a glance up to where he's pointing to. On our stroll earlier, I've already seen the door that leads out of the café, the building itself will shield us at least a little bit from the people that will most likely gather down here to watch the show. And the sooner I can talk to him, the better. "Then enjoy your time until then, I need to change and get back to my team," he says. I let him go and Maja and I watch the teams marching in, answering questions while the sun is thinking behind the trees and it gets colder. Then I'm too nervous to listen to the concert, Maja manages to make me eat and drink something while I wait for my phone to vibrate. I watch them setting up the fireworks when I finally get the message that he's ready to meet me. I stare at it and bite my lip. "I don't like to leave you here alone," I tell Maja. "It's a little too late to think about that now. Besides, I knew this was coming and agreed to join you anyway. I'll be here, watching the firework, maybe making some new friends and I can find the way back to the hotel as well. I'd only appreciate it if you texted me, in case you two decide to spend the night together and you won't come to find me." "I'd never leave you here. We'll have the talk, then he goes back to his team and I go back to you. And we'll go back to the hotel together," I say with conviction. Maja smiles mildly. "Just go now. This is what we came for and why you've been driving me crazy the whole day with your nervous ticks." I'm even too nervous to roll my eyes or say anything back. I take a last look at my phone as if scared that he's changed his mind, then I make my way through the crowd, past sausage and fish boots, up a flight of metal stairs until I stand in front of the door he talked about. I don't need to text him that I'm here for him to come out. And I don't need more than a tentative smile to run up to him and kiss him. It's a short kiss because he gently pushes me away at arm length. "I need to know what you want to tell me before we can do this." He sounds a little breathless and I'm glad he doesn't try to do small talk, leaving me scrambling for a way to start this conversation. And then, despite me being so nervous, it seems easy when he's in front of me, his hands on my arms as if he needed to keep himself on distance as well. I tell him my plan for my future, about my internship, about the offer I've gotten. It seems like there was never another option than to accept and try to keep us together that way. When I finish, he seems to need a moment to think about my words, about the options that it would open up for us. "You're saying all you have to do is agree to get this job," he says. "Yes. I would ask them how much freedom I could get to make our plan work, but I don't see why they wouldn't agree. Only if you want me to that is," I say. "Of course I want you to." When he pulls me closer to kiss me, the music starts around us. While we kiss, the fireworks explode over our heads, echoing through the forest. I forget that there are other people around us. It seems like our personal celebration, the end of the struggles. At least for tonight, at least in this question that has been eating away at us for the last year.