Lost in You

Chapter 45

The change happens while he is in Japan and I'm not even sure what caused it. Maybe it's the distance, maybe it's the thought that he's back in Germany next weekend and I'd be free to travel after him, see him again then. Because doing so would mean I need to tell him about my plan. I need a decision on following it up while my time at Uni slowly starts to come to an end and I have to make a decision about my future. No matter what it is, the evening after the Sunday competition in Japan, I end up in Maja's room, fingers closed around my phone where I spent the weekend making notes, searching the internet up and down for all the questions that kept coming up. Until I got enough of a plan that I could say aloud. Instead of Marius or my parents being the first one to hear it though, I want to talk to Maja first. It seems that if I tell her, if I say it aloud and we decide it wouldn't work, I can back out here. The other options seem to bind me to my words too much. "I need to talk to you," I say and she looks up from her notes. "Right now? I'm still studying." "It's about the plan I've made, about what to do about my future. With or without Marius," I say and have her attention in an instant. She drops her pen, turns the chair around to me and gestures for me to sit down on her bed. Sitting awkwardly on her bed only feels marginally better than standing awkwardly in her doorframe while I wonder how I should start. "So you've found a way how you can be together that will work out better than whatever you two were trying to do last year?" Maja asks and gives me a way to open the conversation. "Yes. It's going to be a big change for me and it's scary. Before my internship and before I knew that our feelings would last during a year that we barely spoke, I wouldn't have considered it." Maja leans forward, a smile curling at her lips. "I'm listening." I take a deep breath. "I got an offer from the company where I did the internship. I think I might be able to get into their social media department. And they're planning to branch out into other countries, send out people to collect photos and posts there to attract customers from somewhere else. I think I could talk to them about offering me a job that would allow me to travel and do a lot of work from home or wherever I am." Maja's eyes widen when she understands where my thoughts have gone. "You want to move to Norway?" "Not directly move. But it would give me the opportunity to live near him for a considerable time of the year, even allow me to travel with him a little during the winter. We'd be basically working together, depending on where I am sent from my company. I think that could work for both of us. We'd see each other more, but we'd still each have our life." The words rush out and I'm a little breathless afterward, waiting for Maja's answer. She's picked up her pen again and chews on its end while thinking. I drum my feet on the floor, nervous as if the rest of my life depends on her answer. "You know, I think that is the best idea I've heard from you so far. If that is the kind of work you want to do. But it sounds like you've already given throughout thought to it and I think deep down you've already made your decision." Maja lowers her pen and gives me a warm smile that leaves me so relieved, I almost cry. I hadn't even noticed how much tension had built up in my around these thoughts until it's left now. "I think I did. But there is someone else who has to approve before I actually act on anything. Would you mind booking us tickets to next week's competition again? Because I would love for you to come with me this time." Maja laughs. "I'll get the tickets for the competition, you get the train tickets. I wouldn't want to miss you telling him your plan for the world. Or even his surprised face when he sees us standing there again. Do we arrive Friday for the qualification already?""Sure, fewer people make it more likely that he sees us there already," I say. Maja gives me a thumbs up and turns back to her laptop, already searching for the tickets. "Now all you have to do is be patient enough not to tell him until Friday," Maja says while booking the tickets. "I'm not sure what is harder. Not telling him that we're coming or the conversation we'll have once I'm there," I admit. Maja laughs. "Don't worry. I can't see how he couldn't love the idea. It's concrete. You already have the offer for the job. And you both have been desperately looking for a solution. How could he not like it when you're offering him an answer to all your problems?" "If you say it like that, it sounds too good to be true," I say while looking for train tickets on my phone. Of course, I've already checked the times during one of my late-night's searches. Maja was right. I've already made my decision before I came to her room. I only needed her to tell me that it's a great idea to feel better about it. And less nervous at the thought that she'll be coming with to tell him. "I'll be missing you though," Maja says after a moment of silence in which we both focused on ordering our tickets for the right days. "I'll be missing you too. But with all the freedom I'll hope to have, I'll be able to visit you as well wherever you live then. You can keep a guestroom open for me and it'll be just like it is now," I say. Maja sighs. "I doubt it'll ever be like this again. But you'll always have a bed in my home of course. And who knows where I end up one day." "We can always meet on ski jumping weekends, either to watch there or to watch it on TV. It'll be great to indulge in memories of this," I tease and Maja laughs. "We'll definitely do that. But for now, we can look forward to next weekend," Maja says and in the same moment her printer comes to life to spit out our tickets for next weekend. To me, it feels like tickets to a new life.