Lost in You

Chapter 31

When I'm back in our shared flat, it's like Maja senses that something's wrong. Before I have a chance to talk to her, she pulls out snacks and face masks and tells me that we'll do a girls nights because she missed me and there is so much she needs to tell me from her weekend with her family. "And I need you to tell me how the surprise went. From the fact that you didn't text, I assume that you were busy," she says with a wink before going back to her room, leaving me to unpack and sort all the thoughts and emotions wafting around in my body before she expects an answer in the evening. By the time Maja knocks on my door to tell me that she's ready to start the film we chose earlier, I feel a little better. Definitely ready for a night with Maja and without my phone. I gladly leave it behind in my room when Maja calls me into the living room where I can hear the first chords of a title music. "I made us cocktails. I don't know about you, but I need them after my weekend. Not that I don't love my family, but it was a little chaotic and then my cousins came as well and had a fight, my little sister was in a bad mood because of school and my parents wouldn't let me get a second alone to breathe," Maja says and already sips her cocktail while I settle in on the sofa. "I need this too," I say and take the second glass from the small table in front of us that Maja has already laden with snacks and more drinks. It's Monday night and neither of us considered going out tonight, although we do have nothing to do tomorrow. As far as I know, neither does Marius, but we didn't talk about me staying another day. Looking back now, it seems odd when before we wanted to spend as much time together as we could. Maja takes a long look at me. "What happened?" I sigh. "Nothing happened directly. But it felt wrong somehow. I mean he was happy to see me and the first evening was wonderful, like nothing happened, but then something changed. I can't put my finger on what it was, but I think it started with him once again mentioning that the season's almost over and he'll go back home while I need to stay here because Uni starts again. I don't know if I can keep going like this. If I want a relationship like this," I finally admit out loud what I've been dreading to think. Maja nods slowly. "I figured something like this would happen." She chews on her straw while still looking at me like that would give her the answers she needs. "I know, you've warned me that this wouldn't work from the beginning, but I didn't want to listen. I still don't want to listen, but I'm not sure how much longer I can ignore my feelings. As wonderful as the few moments are that we have together, as hard does the rest seem to be." Maja puts her cocktail down and shakes her head wildly. "That's not what I meant when I warned you. Back then, I thought you'd just be a fling for him while he was sick and bored. He's already surprised me and I can see that you both were happy. But I also know that long-distance relationships can be hard and not something for everyone." I stir in my cocktail and glance at the TV. Neither of us has paid any attention to the film since it started and I have no idea what is going on that would cause the couple there to fight now. It only reminds me of Marius and me at the fountain. How we only barely stirred away from a fight of our own. "Look, I was scared that you would get hurt and I still am, but you need to decide what you want to do. If you want to try this long-distance thing and accept that it might hurt sometimes or if you want to stop now. It'll still hurt, but the pain might stop earlier," Maja says. Only hearing her say it is what I needed to make up my mind. "No. I don't want to give us up like that. I need to try, I think I always did," I say. Maja smiles. "That's what I thought." I take a sip from my drink. "I think I need to learn how to deal with this new situation or at least try to learn before I can say that it isn't for me. And as long as he is willing to try as well, we might be able to make it work," I say then. "And I learned something as well. Instead of warning you, I want to tell you that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to this time. I don't want you to feel like I'm judging you for falling in love or trying to make a relationship work. I don't have any experience with long-distance relationships, but I'll be here when you need me," Maja says with a shy smile on her lips that seems untypical for her. I am too touched to answer, can only put my cocktail down and lean forward to hug her. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me," I whisper. Maja rubs her eye more like something flew in it than to wipe away tears. "No problem. I know you'd do the same for me." Then she grins and pulls something out from behind the pillow between us, throwing a small plastic packet to me. "And now we'll try these out and start the film again because I have no idea what is going on right now." I laugh when I look at the panda mask Maja gave me and nod. "That would be great." I feel a lot lighter than I did in the morning. Talking to my best friend was the best thing I could have done. Still, there is someone else I need to talk to.