Lost in You

Chapter 42

Reality is that we don't find a better solution and once again he has to leave in the morning. This time I came down into the lobby, no longer worried that someone might see us. No longer caring if I get into trouble for kissing him goodbye for everyone to see. "I wish we'd had more days together," he mumbles. We stand a little bit away from his team while they check out and presumably check him out as well in the process. "It wouldn't change anything, as much as I wish it would," I say. "Is this it then? We'll have to give us up again, not see each other again for another year?" I shrug. I know I won't be able to keep my promise to Maja. I won't delete his number when he leaves now. I'll keep trying to find a solution. "I don't think I can do that. And I understand that whatever you might have come up with last night might not have been the perfect solution, but I'm still convinced we can find something." "Last night was perfect. Thank you for that again. And I won't stop searching for answers," I say, wanting to step even closer to him, to lean up and kiss him, but he's glancing over my head to the reception and I know we're being watched. And unlike last night, when the darkness and the stars took all my worries away, I do mind that now. "You need to go?" I ask, having to push the words out because they threaten to catch in my throat, not able to turn around to follow his gaze. His answering smile looks about as forced as my voice sounds. "I can hardly tell them to stretch the checking out process any longer," he says. "I'm considering it right now," I say and his smile grows a little softer. Then he leans down and gives me a quick kiss that tells me he's as aware of us being watched as I am. "When you remember how it was, remember last night not this, all right?" he whispers and I can't stop myself from giggling, although loosening up a little causes a tear to glide down my cheek. He wipes it away. "I will, I promise," I say. Then, doing my best to ignore the protests of my body, I step to the side to let him walk past. At least everyone has the decency to not stare at us openly. I selfishly long for the last goodbye, when we had had more days together and ended up nearly alone in the lobby. But holding him back until everyone is gone and then knowing they'll wait in the car wouldn't make things easier either. So I stand back, watch everyone gather their bags, then trail along outside, ignoring Sophie's sympathizing looks that she keeps giving me. When I step outside, I don't think it's solely the cold that makes me shiver, makes me wrap my arms around me because I only wear jeans and the shirt that is our uniform. I try to smile when he looks back before closing the door of the car behind him. I wouldn't want to cry if this is the last time we see each other. I wave him goodbye this time and am glad that Sophie isn't in the lobby when I go back inside. I pull out my phone. Look at his name at the top of my chats. We haven't found what I hoped we would find over the past two days. Maybe we haven't talked enough, but still I feel like we've used every second we could get together and in none of them did I wonder if I was doing the right thing. I knew I wanted to be around him. That's why I can't delete his number as I said I would. Because a small glimmer of an idea has sneaked into my mind last night when we stood under the stars. It feels too crazy to say it aloud yet. I need to think it through for myself first. But it could be an option. And if I didn't have last night, I might never have come up with it, even if we'd talked instead. I smile and close my eyes to remember.