Lost in You

Chapter 29

I'm nervous and it's not only because this is the first time I travel out of the country alone. I need to hold myself back from crumbling my ticket, even if the worst part is already over. I made it to Switzerland. I got on the right train. Then I got on the right bus and now I'm sure I'm in the right line to watch the competition, the ticket already ordered and printed out at home as soon as I told Maja about my plan. It was the night Marius and I talked, when neither of us could sleep and we both admitted to missing each other. I waited until Maja and I were on the sofa, watching the competition to tell her about the idea that had formed in my mind that night. That I would surprise him on a weekend, while there's not yet anything going on at Uni. Even while the competition was still going on, Maja had gotten out her laptop and ordered the ticket as well as train tickets for me and printed them out. "Before you reconsider," she had said. Now I'm glad I'm here, I only wish she could have come with me, but she's visiting her family this weekend, a rare enough occasion as they've moved away, so it's seldom that either of them has the time to visit. I get pushed forward in the crowd until I can show my ticket and make my way to the seat Maja chose for me, the first row to the underrun to make sure he'll see me when he takes off his skis. It feels wrong to sit there alone while everyone around me seems to have someone to talk to until the competition starts, so I take out my phone to find two messages waiting for me. One from Maja who wants to know if I arrived safely which I answer first with a picture before I open the next one from Marius. Are you watching again? I can hear the teasing is the words and grin. If only he knew. Yes, but I'm alone today. Maja needs to meet her family. It's not even a lie. Ah, then I'll try my best to keep you entertained. He sends a photo of him with the view down the hill that makes my eyes wander up to the tower in an instant, but of course I can't see him from down here. Looks cold where you are. I text while pulling the scarf tighter around me. It's fine. But there is more snow than you'd have. I grin, getting impatient to tell him where I am right now, but I want to wait for his first jump, to wave down to him and hope he sees me. It would be embarrassing if he doesn't. Yes, there's only grey mud left in Munich. I complain and hear the announcer open the competition. You should come here then. We could go skiing. A giggle escapes me and the woman next to me shoots me a confused look. I only smile back at her. That sounds great. I wish I could one day. Maybe I'll surprise you one day. I can't bring the snow, but you could show me a little bit of your home. I'd love that. I need to get ready now, but I'll text you in the break. I smile and put my phone in my pocket. How much I wish I could send a picture back to him right now, but that of course would spoil the surprise. So all I can do is wait for the competition to start and then wait some more. Until his name echoes over the arena and my nails dig into the plastic chair. By now, no one is paying attention to me anymore, the families around me are either too wrapped up in the competition or themselves. I tell myself that no one's going to notice if I cheer harder for a Norwegian than any of the German jumpers. But they might notice him noticing me. I think I hold my breath when he jumps, flies over the green line and stops. For a moment, I can't wave, only stare. And he's not looking towards the cheering fans either, keeps his eyes looked on a display until the flashing numbers tell him that he's leading. That's when I know I have to move, have to stand up and wave. I still don't manage to shout his name or anything else, but I chose the right moment. The moment when he gives the audience his attention and finds me almost immediately. As if his eyes are drawn to me, even when he doesn't know I'm there. I wave even more, now the family next to me does look at me again, a little disdainful, but I don't care. He's grinning at me and waves back. I feel like he's about to say something, but then shakes his head and leaves through the swinging doors before the next jumper comes down. I fall back on my seat, out of breath as if I've sprinted up all those stairs to the top of the hill. Then my phone vibrates again. Well played, I suspected nothing. I hope you don't mind. I know you won't have much time, but I needed to come. After we've talked about it so many times. I turn my phone in my hands while I try to focus on the last two jumpers, while really I'm waiting for my phone to vibrate again. It takes until the end of the first round before I get a text back. I love that you are here. We'll find some time together, don't worry. And you need to focus on the second round. I'll be here, fingers crossed. And then we'll plan the rest later. Sure. But I'd like for you to have something to watch now that you're here, without Maja or was that a lie as well?I wasn't lying. I never told you from where I was watching. I'll remember to ask better next time. Then I might need to lie. I put my phone away and he doesn't answer anymore. I get up to get something to eat and drink during the break before returning to my seat. When the second round starts, I once again can't believe how fascinated I am by what I'm seeing, given that I'd barely paid the sport any attention before this season. I think by now I'd watch even if Marius wasn't jumping. When it's his turn this time, the family next to me watches me the whole time. I couldn't hide the crossed fingers and the wide grin when he hits the jump just right even if I tried. And this time, his first look is towards the audience. Towards me. I give him two thumbs up and he smiles before he checks his points. Then again, all I could do was wait during the winners ceremony and the interviews he had to give afterwards. Eventually, I make my way out of the arena with everyone else and enjoy watching the sun sink behind the mountains until my phone rings."Hey, where are you?" I relax a little at the familiar sound of his voice. "In front of the main entrance. Are you done?" "Turn left." "What?" I let my phone sink and do as he says in confusion. There's still a steady stream of people coming out of the arena and I go on my tiptoes to try and find him. Too late do I hear the gravel crunch right behind me. I can't even turn around before he has grabbed my waist and pulled me into a hug. When I manage to turn around in his grip, the hug turns into a kiss that we both savour. "I had to surprise you as well, at least once," he says when we stop. I smile. "And you did." "Do you want to get some dinner?" he asks. I think back to the fries I had in the break, but nod. "Do you know where we need to go here?" "We can get a taxi to get back into the village," he says and already looks around as if to get one. I only nod and follow when he starts walking through the crowd. "You can't imagine how hard it was to not tell you where I am," I say when we finally enter a taxi to get us to a restaurant in Engelberg. "You did well enough," he says with a smile. "Just barely," I say and grin. By the time we arrive at the restaurant, the sun has vanished and the stars are out. Our breath creates little clouds in the air on our way from the street to the door of the restaurant. It's a more simple restaurant this time. The wooden door creaks a little when we enter. Lamps with colourful glass spread a warm light through the restaurant and I can even see a room leading away from the main room with a cigarette on it, a relict of times long gone. We choose a place by the window and I slide over the bench to get to the heating. "When Maja helped me book a place from where you'd be able to see you, I thought it was the best idea we ever had to choose a seat for me. Turns out it gets very cold when you can't move around," I explain while I warm my hands on the heater. "At least you were able to wear as many layers of clothes as you wanted to," he teases me. I want to respond something, but in that moment, we get our menu. "Either way, I'm glad you're here," he says and opens the menu. "Me too." I force myself to take my hands off the warm heater and turn to the menu. I fully intend to make the most of the time we have together, like it's the last time I'll ever see him. The most of the weekend. Of this evening even.