High school but it's not a musical

I don't want to grow up 8/25/19

It's 1am and I'm sitting here with my thoughts; thinking about where my childhood went. When I'd spend weekends with memaw and I had to have the night lights on to go to bed. When my siblings and I would race with our bikes. When we'd go in the backyard pretending we were in battle, sword fighting with sticks, and hiding in trees. Staying up late at night with my sister, being dumb. When I'd walk down the road to hang out with that one girl, we'd always eat pizza rolls, watch Austin and Ally, and listen to music. How my best friend and I would always be randomly singing songs in class, not caring what anyone else thought. When I'd do my homework at the kitchen table with my older brothers. When losing teeth was like gaining a gold metal. When I'd play with little pet shops and my brother's cars. When I got my first crush on a kid in my class, we rode the bus together. I was always on the monkey bars on the playground till my hands bled. When I was dancing with princess heels on, and sprained my ankle. Always wanting to be like mom, and trying to put on her makeup, and getting in trouble. My brother and I waking up early each day, and climbing into bed with our mom. I didn't like going to church with the kids my age, because I thought they were mean; I always wanted to stay in big kid/adult church with mom. My aunt Laura would always play cool games with my brother and I. Everyone was happy when grandpa daddy made tater tot casserole. I watched veggietales. I watched all the Disney princess movies and wanted to be a princess. I believed that dream catchers actually helped you have good dreams. I wanted to be a singer when I grew up. I looked forward to fun day in art and music class. I played softball. Leopards were my favorite animal. I went on school field trips. Demi Lovato was my favorite singer. When our golden retriever attacked you if you were wearing yellow.
I'm a junior now. This is my last full year of high school. Next year, we leave a couple weeks early and graduate. I have to start thinking about actually getting a job, and just thinking about it gives me so much anxiety. I have to eventually take driver's training, and I am terrified of driving. I have to start thinking about what I actually want to do after school, if I want to go to college, what college, what I'm going to study, and I have no clue. Then, I'm gonna have to live on my own and pay bills.
I wish when I was younger, when they tell you not to grow up, that I could just stay a child forever. Growing up, being an adult, seems difficult, lonely, and sad. But I know it'll be an adventure full of many stories. Maybe in the future I'll go to college to write or be an English teacher. Maybe I'll change the world, or someone's life. Maybe I'll get a good job that allows me to be adventurous. Maybe I'll get a sheltie. Maybe I won't be a nun, and I'll get married in a beautiful dress, and have a family of little mes running around all over the place, and I'll tell them about my childhood, and I'll tell them not to grow up.