CAN IT BE? (on-going)

CHAPTER 49

Jak's POV:

Nakauwi na kami sa mansion nang walang imikan kanina.

"Kausapin mo nga ako! Bakit ka ba tinotoyo? Pati kaibigan mo, inaaway mo na!"

"What?!" kinunutan ko siya ng noo at binato ang hoodie niya sa mukha niya.

"Damn it. Nakakapikon ka na."

"Go ahead! I'm not stopping you! Mapikon ka hangga't gusto mo!" padabog akong umakyat sa kwarto at malakas na sinarado ang pinto.

Kinuha ko ang laptop ko sa cabinet at binuksan ang gmail ko. Ngayon ko na lang ulit ito nabuksan. Almost 3k na ang notifications ko. Siguro halos lahat ay nagmula sa agency. Hinanap ko ang pangalan ng doctor ko at hindi nga ako nagkamali, marami rin siyang messages sa akin.

'Good morning, Jak! How are you? I hope you're doing fine na. :)' tatlong messages niya ay ganyan din. 5 days ago ang recent at ang iba naman ay previous months pa.

I replied, 'Can we have a meet call, doktora?'

And to my surprise 'coz she's a busy person, nag-reply agad siya after a minute! 'G. Messenger, girl.'

Psychologist ko na siya noong nasa US pa 'ko at nabalitaan ko na lang kila Mom na umuwi ito sa Pinas para mag-stay for good.

I opened my messenger and called her. Hindi kasi siya into social media kaya sa gmail siya nagm-message.

"Jakaylaaa girl. How are you, sweetheart?"

"You know, it's a simple question but difficult to answer."

"I know..." she smiled, "Psychologically speaking, you have to let it out first para mabawasan ang bigat sa puso't isip mo." she wants to imply that crying is the solution for tonight.

"I can't." I clenched my fists as my arms and legs started to tremble.

"Why not? Gusto mo ba mag-undergo ulit ng therapy--"

"Doc, I can't take therapies for now. The country needs me."

"Therapies won't take too much time. It's just once in a month and you need to--"

"Even a minute is gold to me. I don't have time in doing a therapy, doc."

Naitikom niya agad ang bibig at kumurap-kurap, "Can you be selfish just for once? You can't protect people while you're mentally unstabled. You need to recover. It's not just emotions, iha. It's about your health. It's about you. Please prioritize yourself kahit isang beses lang."

"I will. But not now." I gave her an assuring look.

"Ilang beses na akong pumayag sa katwiran mo, pero hindi na ngayon. Your condition is a very serious matter. You are trembling, aren't you?"

"Uh, I'm not."

"Sure. You need to go to my clinic tomorrow."

"W-What? But--"

"No but's! I need to see and check your improvements. If ever na wala akong makitang nag-improve sa'yo, I'm sorry, but I'm telling this to your parents."

"Please don't!" huminga ako nang malalim at napatulala dahil sa frustration.

"Alam ko na medyo nagiging mahigpit na 'ko sa'yo, but I have to. Sana maisip mo na may mabigat kang dala-dala sa health mo. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Secondhand Trauma. Hindi lang 'yun, you're still enduring depression and anxiety. For how lang are you going to punish yourself? For how long do you still want to feel the pain?"