Nights in the Studio - Taejoon

8

Namjoon's POV

There is not much to do when one has a full head. It had been a failed attempt. I guess somewhere in me a regret was born with the intention of consuming me for saying things so late, but I wouldn't let it. I should, but I can't, it's an old but strong feeling, much stronger than the thoughts that haunt me now, more than I've let him go tonight.

Did you think he would fall into your arms and kiss you thanking you for loving him?

A part of me, at least.

I mean, it seems that he feels the same, after all this time...he hasn't forgotten. Me neither. That's why in a certain part I'm calm: because that means there is an opportunity to have it again and to correct my mistakes, before someone else gets ahead of me.

However, that doesn't stop him from kissing Jimin.

I went back to the studio simply because I couldn't bear to stay in the bedroom. I went back to my creative cubicle with greedy and eager hands. There they were: Tae's notes, and among them, the lyrics of the song he had composed.

'Lie.'

That's what he said when I told him it was good, it was hard because it was clear that it was about us: the construction of a criminal lie that ended up sinking him. I don't want it to be just that, a lie, which is not enough of a word to encompass all that I am to him.

I rolled up my sleeves and read the lyrics again. I started to write.

Two hours later I went back to the bedroom, hoping that everything would go back to normal once everyone came back and we had dinner together; However, to my surprise, I didn't find them all sitting at the table, but rather Jin and Yoongi Hyung sitting at the dining room bar, with a couple of glasses of water talking like old women.

"Oh, Namjoon, finally home." Jin said when he saw me enter the door, leaving his glass aside while I put on my slippers and walked towards them "Come on, sit with us." 

"What are you doing awake at this hour?" Yoongi Hyung smiled. 

"We figured you'd need us." I was startled while Jin put a glass of water in front of me. 

"I don't understand." I admitted.

"After Yoongi knew that Taehyung would go with you we assumed that it was not for something, you know, normal." Jin smiled as he spoke and leaned towards me with a gossipy face "So, what did you do?" 

"Taehyung and I haven't DONE anything in over a year." 

"Aw, come on..." Yoongi Hyung began "it's obvious that they still have feelings for each other. Just be together and be happy." I took a deep breath. I had a drink. I leaned back in the chair playing with my fingers. 

"I guess you don't know." They turned to me. 

"What?" Yoongi Hyung asked. 

"Jimin and him... they're together." 

I crossed my arms and Jin sighed in amazement while Yoongi Hyung widened his eyes. "What are you talking about?" I took a drink of water before continuing. 

"Today in the recording... I saw them kissing in the bathroom." 

"That's impossible" Jin began. "Jimin is not gay. It can't be."

"I thought so too..." 

"But wait," Yoongi Hyung looked at me seriously "are you really sure they're together? did you ask him?" 

"I did." 

"So?"

"He...didn't say anything."

"Then you can't assume that they are a thing." 

"Don't you understand?" I stood up trying to keep my voice low. "They kissed. There is nothing to discuss: he doesn't love me anymore." 

"Come on, you're exaggerating." Yoongi huffed and I rubbed my face in frustration. Then what I didn't want to happen happened: a tear, and then another between my eyes. My two friends were scared seeing how my face was upset between silent moans. When I removed my hands it was no longer water that was in front of me but a glass of whiskey. "Namjoon, what happened?" 

I took the glass and drank its contents as if it would numb the pain in my chest. However it only grew stronger as it carried the words I was about to spit out. "I told him I love him."

Jin ran to my side and approached me, Yoongi Hyung froze. "And?" I laughed ironically.

"He-he ran away."

"Not a word?" I shook my head. Yoongi Hyung looked into my eyes and then into Jin's, as if looking for an action. Jin finally came over and rubbed my back. "You just...have to give him time, maybe he is confused or hurt or...." 

"Or sick of me and all this." I got up to the bottle of whiskey and without thinking twice I served myself mercilessly, drinking again while my friends looked at me with concern. 

"I mean, it makes a little sense." Yoongi Hyung said. "The last time you told him you loved him was before you left him alone in the death of his grandmother and then with the-" 

"Please don't remind me." I growled. 

"Yes, besides... that girl was nothing to him... come on, she wasn't even his girlfriend or something like that..." Jin argued.

"But he slept with her." Yoongi Hyung replied. "And in his bed, the bed he shared with Taehyung."

"But he never intended-" 

"Even so." He leaned back willing to win the argument and Jin hesitated. "Or tell me, what would you think if I slept with another guy? Or worse, with a girl?" 

"I'd forgive you." He said without thinking twice and Yoongi Hyung looked at him scared. "Because I know you love me. Just as Taehyung knows how much Namjoon loves him."

Jin kept silent and then turned to the dead man that was me, with the bottle in one hand and the bundle of past luck in the other. "Taehyung is not like you. He would never forgive me...and even if he did, I fucked him up long before that..." 

"But you can get it back." 

"Jin, please," I closed my eyes and lowered my head. "don't insist..."

"Don't you love him? or why? why can't you?" I turned my back on him while he got up until he was in front of me "Namjoon, you don't love him?" 

"Of course I love him!" I replied turning around and taking Jin by the arms "Damn it, if I've done it since the first time I saw him, but I understand that I can't do this to him! I can't do this to myself!"

Jin looked at me in shock and Yoongi Hyung got up imposing himself between us, taking Jin by the waist close to him. "Namjoon-"

"It's too late... I don't even know how to enter the room where he is sleeping and pretend that everything is fine..." Yoongi Hyung and Jin looked into each other's eyes, worried. I saw them questioning. 

"You won't have to do that." I stood up properly and glanced to the rooms for a second, then at my friends. 

"What are you talking about?" Jin turned back to the kitchen and Yoongi sighed before replying to me coldly.

"Taehyung is sleeping in Jimin's room tonight."

𝘠𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵, 𝘐𝘥𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳

𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘺𝘦 :)