Nights in the Studio - Taejoon

39

Namjoon's POV

I know I should sleep.

The night is quiet and tedious, a rare thing for summer. I know it's very late but not the exact time as I look through the open curtain at the city sky that is stretched out, cloudless, unpredictable before my body wrapped in anxiety tumors.

God, I can't help but sigh for the thousandth time as I involuntarily turn my head to the bed on the other side of the room, the one laid out with blue blankets that breathes as often as I do, I think I know for a moment by looking at the pillow that it misses its owner. I miss him too.

I would like that instead of an empty place there was his body wrapped in the pillow that he always hugs, his angelic face when sleeping; I would selfishly prefer her to cling to my arms. However, it is not a wish that he can fulfill since he is not even in this house, he is in his apartment almost twenty minutes away, asleep in his new bed.

I hope he was able to fall asleep with everything that happened here today. Yoongi Hyung didn't want to explain to me, but Jin told me everything he had heard behind the front door in great detail; I feel proud and puzzled at the same time, like I'm going to throw up every time I remember him saying that Taehyung was crying his heart out. Lately he has cried much more than he ever had, maybe that's why lately I also feel to hold him in my arms forever and play with his hair.

I packed my bag as soon as I got home, I told Jin I'd go with Taehyung, but he insisted it was better if he took care of everything. I guess he's right...even I sometimes scold myself for wanting to be with him: I know it's not healthy, even if I love him, it wouldn't be considerate. A part of me also regrets our encounter the other day.

I wish that we could be normal, and that we could forget everything. That there were no jobs or schedules or stupid trips that prevented us from being together all day; but the rumors exist, also our work, and under those conditions it is very difficult to live. I think that maybe if you had been born somewhere else, even with the same path, we could have been much freer than now.

It is totally impossible, but dreaming is not always bad.

I want to hear his voice, for him to be here. I hate every single inch that keeps me from having him here.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore and I sit up in bed, letting the sheets slide off my bare chest and reaching for the phone to open and write a pathetic message.

Tae

I want to be with you

I look at the screen counting the minute until it turns off and I give in under the thought that he is surely asleep, but to my surprise it appears read, and then a bubble anticipates the answer.

Tae

Me too

I sink into the sheets laughing like a schoolgirl, I write a response.

I thought you were sleeping

A minute of silence, wide-eyed betraying my hot chest as I wait for the next text.

Jin Hyung
snores too much

Is that why you miss me? Because don't I snore?

Nope
You're also better at hugging

I try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach and reply.

Didn't you take
your tiger with you?

Yes, but Hyung
wanted to hug me,
he said he would do me good