Nights in the Studio - Taejoon

50

Namjoon's POV

The lights blind us in the blink of an eye, while we ignore our lost condition to offer all that we are to the hundreds who see us. This is something I always miss, something that is a part of me and will always be. What is it, but this, something for which someone like me exists? My dream is to be here, expressing my music and my feelings.

Happiness is shared among all, that now that it seems that we have solved our problems, we prepare to leave the stage completely. On one side, my hyungs play to catch each other between ethereal songs, almost flying with their own wings that take us higher than we think. A dream that is hard to believe is real.

On the other hand, the maknae lies directly into the audience, moving frantically with a Jimin who seems to have come back to life. I reviewed his vacation request this morning, he handed it to me with a half smile and a nod, no one asked anything. After clearance, it will be a while until we see him again, meanwhile, we will focus on Tae's debut, which will be out in a month, now it seems it's time the world calms down.

My mind is full and yet I am only able to focus on one thing, or more, one person: Taehyung. Singing his whole being for the crowd amidst his boxy smile; suddenly, it seems that the time in which he did not stop crying had been a bad dream, a nightmare in which he is no longer mine. I find him funny when he walks, and I think it's normal, that's why I hold it from time to time and hug it on purpose, generating surprised and flattering cries.

Yes, we look very good together.

The two of you slyly sing beside us, with a subtle fear of being too obvious, until the final speech, and beyond that into the final ballad, seeing all the spectators around us...suddenly, in the warmth of my singing, I feel how his head rests on my thighs and he looks at me closely.

Under my gaze my verse is just over and I find him: stretched out for me, completely united in mind and soul, his smile is sticky for the melody. We look at the fanatics who have the power to hurt us. Inside, I feel a deep loneliness that reminds me that we will never be normal, but maybe we don't need to be, at least not between us. I look at all the people who have come today and I think that I will never be able to reveal something like this. It is sad, but fair; after all, I decided that my life was in a tall cabinet, ready to be judged.

Tae's hand reaches for mine as he sits down next to me again, bumping shoulders. The touch is strong, calming and wanting. I can't look at him or someone would notice, so I just stare straight ahead, into all the excited eyes. I guess some monsters can't be faced.

Jin and Yoongi Hyung approach us after a short time, they sit on each side and look at me complacently. I see Tae a little tense about the situation but I decide to ignore it; I will tell him in due time, that we are not alone facing this: they too had their complications until they could be where they are now, where no one can even notice that beyond looking like an old couple, they love each other irretrievably.

We said goodbye to ARMY without looking back, wishing it would last a little longer, that time doesn't get out of hand so fast, after the last song, and as I walk downstage I see some tearful faces from staff to some other people in the lighting department, however, the one that surprises me the most is a pink-haired boy in a corner; my instinct has the best of me, and I separate myself from others to keep him company. The other members just look a bit intrigued, even Tae, who keeps his distance unafraid to listen to anything that might be said.

"Jimin-ah, are you alright?" I ask, once I'm kneeling at his height and I have a hand on his shoulder, he raises his face and sees me wiping away his tears.

"It's not fair that I have to leave them, they expect me and I..." He stutters way too much and I stare the honesty in his eyes, I feel exposed.

His emotions can be complicated, we can have many inferences, he may not be the best person but I know how he feels. I know it will hurt him to have to leave this, but I also know that he can fix it. But I have no idea what I can say to him, so I stay completely petrified.