Nights in the Studio - Taejoon

13

Taehyung's POV

Seoul, Korea. June 13, 2013

Arriving at the building I almost felt my pupils dilate as I took expectant steps for the next few minutes. It was the day, after everything I'd had to do to be able to introduce myself to the world.

I went over each note in my head fearing the worst, I felt like I hadn't done enough. They passed me to the makeup artist and, as I felt the brush caress my cheek I imagined myself at home with my grandmother, laughing as we always used to do in the breeze of a good summer. I grew up too much, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I pressed my knuckles against the chair.

When they were putting me black eyeliner the girl said something in my ear about a brush and left, leaving me and my nerves in a bundle in front of the mirror. My breathing was uncontrollable and it didn't help that I hadn't been able to sleep.

"Calm that breath or you won't get to the dance break," I turned to my right to the other chair where Namjoon was with a serious face, "breathe." He looked at me from the mirror and we stayed calmly in each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"I already told you that you don't have to apologize."

"Sorry." He laughed a little before putting on his dark glasses. The cameras around moved between the members. Too many people. Too many laughs. Too many worries to be a day without dreams.

"You don't have to be nervous, you've practiced a lot."

"That's exactly what worries me hyu-" He looked at me and I remembered that he had asked me to call him by his name "Namjoon... I've practiced so much that if I fail now it will be even worse."

"You will fail only if you think so, and you don't have to be a prefect. You shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself." I couldn't see his eyes but I felt that he was sincere; I wondered how someone who scolded himself over and over again every time he failed in the dance studio, and who kept his sleepless nights by my side without realizing how much it mortified me not to see him rest could tell me that.

He noticed my gaze and after a while he sighed realizing that my mood hadn't changed. So he got up and left; Shortly after, he returned and to my surprise, he had something with him. "Here." He handed me a paper bag and I immediately opened it, finding a small plush tiger with neotenic features and a red bow. "That will help you with the nerves."

I looked into his eyes hidden behind the glass and gave him a small smile. "You bought it for me?" He scratched his neck in embarrassment "sure..."

"Thanks Hyu- Namjoon, I-"

"Guys, we're out in five!" Hobi's shout made me react. Namjoon left immediately and I stayed with the tiger for a couple of seconds, hugging him. I got up and walked through the sea of ​​people who still didn't know my name.

I saw my group formed in front of the stairs and I heard how the presenters started a speech, I took a deep breath, dropped the doll on a nearby chair full of fear. I looked ahead to where Namjoon's back was stiff with mock confidence, I felt safe. So I dared to go out.

I went up the stairs and we performed for the first time in a memory that seems more like a movie than my life. Coming off the stage I remember that we were exhausted; Jin was crying and the rest of us joined him trying to help him relax as we still had a lot of performances to go. 

It was strange: the same song that we had heard so many times was alive somehow, that terrified us between laughter and celebration. Maybe it was because of that scared feeling that I ended up carrying the doll like a kind of trophy in my arms every time we went out to a new presentation, as if knowing that somehow it would protect me from anything.