Nights in the Studio - Taejoon

41

Namjoon's POV 

I knock twice on the door slowly, not sure.

Everyone is in their rooms, absolutely everyone. It's two in the morning, which means that by this point Hoseok is in a deep sleep, Jungkook has put down the phone to finally let himself go, Jin and Yoongi are exhausted after all they could do and Jimin, well, there is no sign of him from the lower floor, where he sleeps with the staff members who have accompanied us.

It's just me then, in my makeshift pajamas and hair in a mess, waiting until the door opens to reveal a pair of smiling eyes, I wave back and then a hand reaches out to grab my arm and suck me into the room.

I stand there while Taehyung closes the door, then turns with his back against it to see me; his bright eyes inching closer until they have me wrapped around my neck, I let out a laugh before grabbing his waist and pulling him closer to me. Without really thinking one of my hands climb up to his hair, I caress it slowly for a moment.

I feel a smile on my shoulder and then a warm kiss on my neck.

"I missed you." That's what the weak voice says, probably due to exhaustion. I smile.

He pulls away from me and I bring my hands to his cheeks, only to be able to bring him to my lips slowly, still feeling the freshness of the toothpaste on the edge of his mouth as I pull away and look into his eyes.

"Let's go to bed, I'm tired." My words give me Deja vu. Taehyung nods and we both walk over to his bed, where he clears all the pillows.

"Which side do you prefer?" He asks me, pretending he understands my preference for the right side of the bed, and asking anyway.

"You already know." I answer him, he stops to smile at me.

We both lay under the covers. I turn off the lamp on my side, but Taehyung doesn't: he's too busy arranging every single sheet and pulling out pillows only to throw them over the edge of the mattress, making room for when we inevitably find ourselves spooned in the middle of the night.

I stretch out my arm to take the light off him, then rest it on his body slowly, calming my breath. Taehyung then takes my hand slowly and starts playing with my fingers, I feel him pout like a child and I can't help but let out a laughing moan, he stops.

"I'm sorry." Taehyung whispers.

"Don't be, I like it when you touch me like that," he lets out a giggle, "do I fascinate you that much?"

"Yes, a lot." He says at the same time that he takes my hand again, but this time to leave a kiss before settling down next to me, letting us chest to chest, his head under my chin. "I saw you, at the concert, you were looking at me." I close my eyes, still numb from the heady scent of him.

"Oh yeah?" I ask and he nods, "Did you like it? I did it because you looked really good." I feel how he smiles against the fabric of my shirt.

"That's not true..."

"It's true, everyone couldn't stop looking at you. I bet you are all around twitter right now."

"Really? I didn't check."

"I did," I admit somewhat tensely, "ARMY always take good pictures, and I want to have your bests." I feel Taehyung smile, and so I smile too.

I use my strength to flip him over in his place, chest to back, pelvis to pelvis. I'm sorry for giggling a bit but then he drifts away from me, and I release him letting him do it. After a few minutes his breathing quickens again and his hand reaches for mine, putting it under his shirt. I feel odd but even so, I let me guide my hand to his belly, where he leaves it still. As soon as he does, his breathing returns to normal.

"Are you ok?" I ask, but he doesn't say anything "Tae?"

"You know you can touch me right Joonie?" I frown, opening my eyes.

"Where did that come from?" I ask, but only get a moment of silence.

"I just don't want you to feel far away..."

"I don't need to touch you to feel you close to me and you know it." I affirm but Taehyung sighs.

The darkness remains with the sound of cars outside, in a strange city for me. Japan now feels different than it did a long time ago, or maybe it's me that has changed... why does it seem the same thing?

"Maybe you are the reason." Taehyung says suddenly, I listen without daring to formulate a word "I always wondered how you felt cheating on me, can you tell me?" His question leaves me speechless; the air is heavy between the two of us.

"Tae, I never..."

"I know; but you never told me what it was like. I want to know. I want you to tell me."

A patrol passes through the hotel parking lot, probably warding off onlookers who will harass us all night. My attention is focused on that and not on the love that I have in my arms while I recall past that I pretended not to know.

"Honestly, it was weird. She was the second kiss in my life, and it wasn't you." I start to speak, refusing to let the lump in my throat win "She cornered me in the room after going to the house saying that she had doubts with some arrangements...I took her to the room where I had the documents and then she kissed me;" I put an intentional pause when I feel the little shiver on Taehyung's skin, I breathe "it was rough, and cold. Somehow, we ended up in bed, I wanted to ask her to stop but it was all...too new. Then she started to undress and... "

"I entered." Taehyung finishes my story, and I want to nod but his next question beats me "Did you ever think what would have happened if I had never seen it? Would you have done it?" I don't answer, it's hard to lie to myself or to him, to tell him no. I want it to be that easy. "Days before that I had confessed to you how I felt...you said that that maybe it could be possible. Then you did exactly the same thing to me as she did to you. And if she had never been there, would you have started loving me from then on?"

The patrol moved away, hushing into the night.

"I already loved you. But it was all very new, and we were in the middle of it all." I admitted "I thought that if maybe everything had been different, we could never be together. I thought that seeing you every day was a guarantee to, so I could, I don't know, keep you."

"Better by your side in silence than not by your side at all." Taehyung said, reading my mind.

"I also didn't know I was gay, neither did you." I say, Taehyung drops my hand that I hadn't realized was still on his skin to turn around and look me in the eye.

"And now? Do you know?"

"I only know that I love you, and that I don't want to be with anyone else." I dare to say without touching him, he doesn't react. "I want to put all that behind me, now that you've forgiven me."

A moment in silence, I want to never let go of him.

"Why do you love me." I don't distinguish between affirmation or question in his voice, but an answer.

"Do I need a reason?" I put a bit of hair behind his ear, and I approach to kiss his nose carefully, when I separate I close my eyes for a while before revealing Taehyung's face before me, as attentive as ever. "No one makes me feel like you, no one is like you. No one has lived with me as long as you, nor has ever meant anything more than you. Even now, it will even be like this in the future."

"Can you promise?"

I slowly approach and kiss him slowly. Without tongue or unnecessary movements, I discover a deep kiss regardless of extravagant decorations, I realize that the softness of his mouth is already enough to drive me to the brink of madness. He presses into my face, leaving me in complete control. We part.

"I promise." I swear with our lips still together.