Sun and Moon

I'll Think of You - 12th January

When I see fire, I'll think of you. When I see something burning, or I see something burnt, I'll still think of you. I met you all so bubbly and fun. You were friendly. You were like a heart emoji with the red color, it was cute, and it appealed to me. You were so radiant and colorful.

Yet I saw you burning. No, not the angry symbolization of fire or burning. I saw you burning brightly. You were one of your previous class's top students. Undoubtedly, you are still now. I admired how you shone so brightly while you gave in all your passion and dedication to the things you did every time. My heart was flattered. It was so rare to see men dedicated to something they did.

Nevertheless, just like fire, you went away. I don't think you avoided me. Maybe you just got quiet? Or perhaps I just didn't have the chance and I'm just delusional? Possibly I've made it too obvious, and now you're uncomfortable. But maybe we just got busier with our lives, and we forgot about each other. I don't know. It was cold. It's like suddenly, you only existed around me when you needed to.

With our littlest interactions, the most random conversations, and the non-malicious things we did, I suddenly got the courage to initiate something. My system was uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe it; there's popping, beating, shaking, and more. What happened next was unpredictable. 

Withal, you offered your cup, it was burning once again. But you weren't burning; my heart was. It was burning out of excitement, happiness, and love. I didn't know we felt the same. You made me feel the safest, the most secure. And all you ever gave to me were things I didn't receive from my past; patience, understanding, pure love, acts of service, appreciation, and so much more.

I want to keep it burning. I am determined to keep it burning. But everything that goes into flames stops burning, right? They get burnt. They get frigid.

What should I do? Maybe I should stop this early. It's all in there, the confession that tickles my system, the dating that makes me realize everything is real, the hurtful conversations that leave me well alone and dry, the breakup that will hurt for a lifetime. I didn't want the burning to stop, but eventually, it will.

You're leaving me soon, and I don't want to be left again.

What if we stop and just find our way back to each other when your cup is empty again? What if we just totally stop everything going on at the moment? In that way, our hearts will end up burning, then burnt, in which when it stops burning, it won't hurt.

When it's already burnt, it's a sign that we're healed, we're moved on, we're free. I don't think I'll be able to let this love die just because it got exhausted.

Just by the time you're reading this piece, fire has earned hundreds of meanings because of my love for you. So when I see something burning or burnt, when I see fire, when I see flames, I'll think of you.