In almost 18 years of existence
I have had my heart broken
Always, always
By men who didn't step into the light
Who always kept themselves in their shadows
So I pulled them.
The first time that I got hurt was when
My dad left me when all I could only speak was, "Dada"
I didn't know why he left but
The memory of him leaving the house
Without kissing me good bye
While holding bags of clothes
Was instilled in my head
They let me watch it
I didn't cry at all because
I knew he would come back later that day
He didn't though;
That's when I pulled him into the light
And saw that he could leave and let me go
Just like that.
The next time I got hurt by a man was when
I sincerely liked a college guy
While I was still in 7th grade
I was so idealistic about it
And I just thought that age didn't matter
Because he was so good to me
Or so I thought
Until I pulled him into the light and
I saw that
He only wanted by innocent, untouched
Undeveloped body
He was a groomer and a pedophile.
I don't wanna tell all the times I got hurt so
The next time I got hurt most was when
I settled to be pursued online
Without any effort
Just the pretty face and the deep voice
The shocking height and
Surprisingly compatible twin earth signs
At first it felt magical because
I didn't really like getting physically connected
It was ideal for me because we just spent a lot of time
In the little screens while talking about how we'll meet soon
Until I pulled him to the light and
I saw that he really is just a pretty face; he cheated on me.
The next time was when
I fell in love with a close friend
And he was the standard
He was the reason why I'm so high maintenance
Why I keep my standards high
He taught me that I deserve the best
Until I pulled him into the light
Even though he wasn't ready
And even in so much pain, he admitted that he can't be the best
But no, I told him that I can and I will help him go through it, conquer it, and be okay
But he left me; because he said he wasn't the best.
The next time was when
I fell in love right before summer
I was the one who pursued this guy
Because I was so confident and
I didn't realize quickly what kind of a guy
I'm nuzzling myself into
Because he was another pretty face
Another deep voice
Another shocking height
And another twin earth signs
So I pulled him into the light
He didn't cheat on me
He loved me
In fact, all he ever did was
Love me
But he wasn't willing to give me the time,
The efforts, the assurance, the compliments
Everything
He thought that, not cheating was enough
He thought that, "I love you"s were enough
And then he disappeared for some unknown reason
That still get me questioning,
"What have I done wrong?"
The next time is this time
Are you going to hurt me too?
Are you going to leave me without a kiss?
Chase me because of my body, cheat on me
Leave me for not being who you want to be,
Or disappear on me?
An all-or-nothing Venus water sign
Leaves the needy Venus air sign without any options
So she settled on you
She wants this to last
Until she didn't have to pull you into the light
Because you stepped in
With this, she saw how much you are trying
How much you love her
And how much you want her in your future
She didn't only want this to last
After that, she was determined to make it last.
YOU ARE READING
Sun and Moon
Non-FictionJust like the sun; she's glowing and shining. A bright red color that symbolizes passion and fierceness. Until she meets someone just like the moon; peaceful and subtle. He's understated and he's there. She's there.