Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name
Song: "lifeboat" - easy life
sorry it's been a while my anxiety is getting worse by the day but i'm on meds now so that's something
⚠️thoughts of suicide, depression⚠️
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« The day you found me in a lifeboat
I fell to pieces on the drive home »
I first met C/N at a party with my other friends, but I had already heard of him as he was a friend of a friend. It was actually a miracle we hadn't stumbled upon each other yet, however I wouldn't change how we met for the world. If it had happened any differently, I don't think things would have gone the way they did.
He drove me home afterwards, since I was drunk and he had decided not to consume any alcohol. It was very generous of him, and in hindsight I feel bad that my drunken self started bawling my eyes out in his passenger seat.
« I felt defeated but you look at me, look at me like that
Made me feel more than just a side note »
C/N didn't make me feel bad, though. He stayed at my place afterwards in order to comfort me, even though he hardly knew me. My flat was probably evidence enough that I wasn't living healthily or well; the university lifestyle had really taken a toll on me.
« The day you found me in a »
And after that, my whole life turned around.
« Lifeboat like a damsel in distress
Thanks for coming round for dinner
Folding up my sofa bed »
In all honesty, I had felt pathetic. My lack of routine, my lack of self sustainment, my lack of hygiene... everything about me was plain pathetic. Especially my inability to take care of myself.
C/N had gone to a lecture during the day after the party, but had returned later on with home cooked pasta. He had frowned upon seeing that I hadn't touched the sofa bed he had slept on, and yet still folded it up in front of me without saying a word. He had then laid the table, an item I hadn't used in so long he had to clear the surface beforehand. After that, for the first time in months, I ate a proper meal at home.
« And don't apologise
I know you had to head »
The fact he apologised when he said he had to get home felt unreasonable: I should have been apologising to him.
But I didn't, and I wish I had.
« You've done so much for me
Overachieved
And I can keep you on the keep out »
For the next couple months after that, he would visit me any day he could with freshly cooked food. Once a week, he would come over and make sure my home was up to scratch, before running a bath for me with bath salts and bubble bath that he had bought. He would message me after I left my lectures, ensuring I would be getting rest immediately after.
On the particularly rough nights, he would even stay over.
« Keep you up while I put the loo seat down
And I've always got your number on the speed dial
Like I did when we still had speed dial »
He used to just stay on the sofa bed on those nights, but after he had found out I would stay up late in my room when I accidentally let the toilet seat drop one time, he had come into my room. Initially, C/N would keep to his half of the bed, but it didn't take long for it to evolve into him cuddling and comforting me.
C/N became the first person I would call in a crisis.
« The day you found me in a lifeboat
I fell to pieces on the drive home
I felt defeated but you look at me, look at me like that
Made me feel more than just a side note
The day you found me in a »
I don't know if I'll ever admit to him that I was planning suicide after that party. I had planned to say my goodbyes to all my friends without them knowing it. C/N unknowingly saved my life by meeting me, driving me home, and staying with me that night. It would probably be too much pressure to learn that sort of information, though, so maybe I should just stay quiet.
« Backseat
Chatting gobbledygook and nonsense »
I laughed genuinely for the first time in a long time with C/N, on the way back from graduation. The energy that had buzzed inside of me as we joked with each other after a lengthy day of meeting fans was something that I had sorely missed. It was then that I knew I was getting better.
« Guess I was born a wrongun and I've been wrong since
It's game over, the PS2 is frozen
I pass the controller
I'm slipping out of conscience »
But that doesn't mean I don't have my bad days still. Sometimes the feelings return strongly, and so I call C/N to pass the control of my life over to him briefly. He resets the PlayStation, he brings me back to reality, and he helps me start playing again until I can do so independently once more.
« Not all superheroes wear capes
Not every debt gets repaid
I try and I try but I can't get through »
C/N deserves more than me, because I could never repay him for all that he's done for me, and I can't even gather the courage to thank him for everything he's done.
« There's more to life than survival
Found something to die for »
It was because of him that I learned to love the subject I chose for my degree again, as I had been struggling with it and even considered dropping out. However, when C/N started getting involved with my projects, I found the original enthusiasm I used to experience about it returning. I felt like the fifteen year old kid who wanted a job in it more than anything again. Except, I think it shifted to my second biggest want.
Because I'm pretty sure C/N has taken the first spot.
« You picked me up from arrivals
Said 'mate, don't you wanna go home?' »
When I got back from visiting family one day, C/N picked me up from the train station, and laughed at how tightly I hugged him. "Don't you wanna get home?" he had said, "You can't hug me here all day."
"Yes, I can."
« There's more to life than survival
Found something to die for
You picked me up from arrivals
Said 'mate, don't you wanna go home?' »
We ordered takeaway at my place that night, and as we ate, I finally managed to confess to him. Unfortunately not how thankful I was, just how I felt about him.
"Well, I'm relieved about that," he had said.
I had frowned, "Why?"
"Because I kinda thought we'd already fallen into a relationship."
« The day you found me in a lifeboat
I fell to pieces on the drive home
I felt defeated but you look at me, look at me like that
Made me feel more than just a side note »
C/N asked me to move in with him a week after that, and it was then that I told him that I was happy again.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to thank him for everything he's done, but until then, I can love him like he's loved me even when he hardly knew me.
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i have a whole chunk of one shots ready for upload :')
[1286 words]
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Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader
Fanfiction- no smut - crush x reader - my writing improves throughout :) - NO LONGER UPDATED -------- ☘︎ european date format ☘︎︎ started: 15/02/2020 finished: 15/05/2022 milestones: -10k reads on 03/06/2020 -1k votes on 28/07/2020 -2k votes on 30/10/2...
