Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader

[𝟲𝟳] ⚠️ Pᴏᴏʟ Pᴀʀᴛʏ

Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name
B/N - best friend's name

Song: "Dissolve" - Absofacto

i love this song so much

also! ⚠️mentions of self harm⚠️

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Straight off the bat, parties weren't Y/N's thing even in the slightest: hell, people weren't her thing in the slightest. The only reason she went to one on a particular Saturday afternoon was because it was her best friend's party. However, this wasn't just a party. It was, of course, a pool party. One was bound to happen at some point after B/N had a pool installed, but Y/N had been pretending that wasn't a reality for a month now.

B/N would almost definitely force Y/N into the water, unaware of the harm she would be doing to her. Self-harm scars littered both Y/N's wrists and thighs, and people would almost definitely find it weird if she wore a long-sleeved top. Shorts and a regular shirt, she would have probably gotten away with, but if she were to get into the pool her arms would need covering as well, which would be seen as odd.

To cut to the point, Y/N was fucked from the get go.

She ended up showing up in her usual baggy hoodie and skinny jeans, making a mini (and surprisingly believable) show of having forgotten her swimming kit. To no avail, however, as B/N just directed her upstairs to put one of her spare ones on. That outcome should definitely have been expected.

The most covering swimming costume Y/N could find was a black one-piece, that still didn't even begin to cover the very scars that haunted her existence. She sighed, trying to push away the developing panic attack, and pulled on the costume before putting her hoodie and jeans back on over the top. Through the bedroom window, Y/N could already see people partying it up in the garden.

She was jealous of the fact they had no scars to hide, despite the fact all her own were purely self-inflicted. Self-harming was addictive, and no matter how hard Y/N tried, she couldn't stop. The stinging sensation accompanying the red droplets brought such satisfaction and split second relief from the emptiness she felt otherwise. No one knew of this habit of Y/N's, not even B/N, but a tension hung in the air that screamed of coming change.

Nervously, Y/N headed downstairs, bumping into her crush outside on the patio. C/N was dressed in a loose grey shirt and trunks, a handsome smile on his face as well as a bottle of lager in hand. "Hey! What's up, Y/N?"

"Heya, C/N," she forced a small smile, the thought of impending doom still eating away at the back of her mind.

"Aren't you gonna join us in the pool?" he said with a raised eyebrow, looking her attire up and down, "It is a pool party, after all."

Y/N shrugged, "Maybe later."

Thankfully, he didn't push any further. That was one of the main things she appreciated and loved so much about C/N: he never forced her into doing anything she seemed uncomfortable with. B/N, however, was a different story. She never did it intentionally, but always seemed to only consider whether or not it made her uncomfortable and made decisions from that. Her oblivious opinion was of that if she was fine with something, everyone else should be too. Y/N knew B/N's intentions were always good, albeit a bit ignorant.

"Y/N, come get in the pool!" the very person herself called from the water's edge, "It's nice and warm!"

Shaking her head, Y/N went to turn around, but soon felt a wet hand on her sleeve. The water droplets soaked through, the heightened obliviousness of B/N making it pretty clear she was already tipsy. She started grabbing at the hem of Y/N's hoodie, pulling it up with all her might despite the resistance from her victim. At this point, panicky tears were forming in Y/N's eyes. It felt as if the wall she had built around herself was being knocked down by none other than her very own best friend.

The hoodie was soon off, and Y/N was unable to stop B/N from pulling down her trousers as she clasped her hands over her wrists and huddled her arms close. When they were off, Y/N immediately jumped in the pool, in the hopes that the moving water would distort her scars from view.

A couple people, who had been unsurprisingly focused on the host of the party, had already seen. Y/N could see their agape mouths, and felt overwhelmed by them staring at her blankly. Just like that, her carefully crafted barrier had crumbled and her top most secret was exposed.

Instinctively, Y/N ducked under the water's surface to stop the salty tears streaming down her cheeks. She curled up in a ball at the bottom, denying her body the right to breathe for as long as she possibly could.

Just as she felt like she was gonna give in to her need for oxygen, two sturdy arms wrapped around her and pulled her to the surface. As cold air finally entered Y/N's lungs, she found herself clinging to the body of her saviour. Although, she admittedly could have saved herself.

"Hey, it's okay..." the familiar voice of C/N spoke, "You're gonna be fine..."

Peeling her eyes open reluctantly, the first thing Y/N laid eyes on was the number of people staring. She buried her face into C/N's chest, trying to block everyone else out as their judgement of her projected so clearly in to the atmosphere. C/N climbed out of the pool, with a little bit of difficulty due to his attachment. He carried Y/N inside, the last thing she saw being the shocked face of B/N with her hoodie and jeans still in hand.

He took her to a bathroom upstairs, where he let her cry her worries out wordlessly until she was ready to speak.

"I... I feel so empty..." Y/N sobbed, finally slowing down on the tears, "The... the only time I feel s-something is when I... when I feel physical pain..."

C/N nodded solemnly.

"All... all I wanna do is feel emotions like a... like a normal person... I wanna... I wanna enjoy being alive... I wanna... I wanna..."

"Shh, shh..." C/N said softly, "Take it one breath at a time."

Y/N took his advice, before saying a concluding statement of, "I wanna want to be here."

He remained silent for several seconds, until he eventually said, "Can I help you with that?"

"How?" she frowned.

"Well, I want to make you feel happiness. But just remember, sometimes the journey is more important than the goal. You might find you get more out of seeking it than reaching it."

Sniffing, Y/N said, "Since when were you a therapy expert?"

"Since now," he smiled wisely, "So, listen to me when I say that you don't have to worry about what the others will think of you. Not when you have me who loves and cares for you!"

C/N was adorable sometimes, but, he was probably also right.

Already, she was starting to feel a little joy inside.

———————

i just want u to watch me dissolve... slowly... in a pool... full of... your love...

today's fun fact about moi:~

i have a space wall in my bedroom

[1274 words]