NEVER NOT • H.RENJUN

30

| chapter thirty |
i'm so, so tired..
« when the seasons change,
will you stand by me? »

"What do you mean you have five days left?"

Jaemin and Yoon were caught off guard by the words that came out of Hyewon's mouth. The male demon and vampire walked over to her, staring at her face with furrowed eyebrows that conveyed their disbelief.

Hyewon forced a smile and shrugged as if giving up her life meant nothing to her. "Things just ended up this way."

Jaemin sighed and shook his head, "You can't just give up this easily."

"I already did all that I could. To protect Renjun."

Yoon spoke up, "What about you?"

Hyewon looked over at him and her expression softened, eyebrows easing their arches. "I have already decided and nothing can change my mind. I'm happy with this decision. Be happy for me too."

"Happy? You're telling us that you decided to be vanished from this Earth, you gave up your last shot at a normal life that you've always wanted, and you're happy with that? Bullshit." Jaemin shook his head. "When I told you to fight for him, I didn't mean to ruin yourself in his stead."

Noticing the sadness behind her eyes, the vampire reached over to her and wrapped his strong arms around her. He squeezed her tightly.

"It was either him or me, Jae." She sighed into his embrace. "You know, I would never let anything bad happen to him, or any of you."

Yoon hesitantly joined the hug, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from Hani. I never thought she would go to that extent."

"It's not your fault."

"I feel like it is. I always knew how much she hated you and she had hinted at me that she wanted to hurt you," Yoon sighed. "I just didn't expect her to actually do anything. I under–estimated her."

"It's okay," Hyewon brushed it off and held their hands. "Thank you for making my second life on Earth not as shitty as the first. You better not forget me, okay?"

Both of her friends simply nodded their heads. They feared that if they spoke, only incoherent slurred words and sobs would come out. However, they were unaware that their silence hurt her even more. The way Yoon and Jaemin expressed their sadness in the way they looked at her, hurt. They had on their faces the same expression that Renjun had on when he had just woken up. Guilt. Pity. Anger. They looked as though they could break apart, overwhelmed with every emotion. She could tell they wanted to ask her to stay even though they knew The Deity's decision could never change.

Neither of their pain, however, could ever compare to the way Hyewon was breaking inside. She tried so hard to keep the pain to herself but it was becoming so hard for her to bear it. It hurt that she had no other choice. It hurt that she had to leave them. But it hurt her the most, that she had to leave when her life was just getting better.

She was just getting used to all the smiling, the tingles in her chest, and the butterflies that danced in her stomach. She was just getting used to warmth, the warmth that lingered after a long hug or after a moment full of laughter. The happiness, the anger, and everything in between. She was just getting used to it and she was just starting to like the idea of living.

But who was she to feel that mess of beautiful emotions, right? Who was she to think, for one second, that she could be happy? She wasn't anyone or anything. She was just a cruel, cold-hearted demon that didn't deserve anything that wasn't the deep, dark pits of Hell.

. . .

Emotionally exhausted, Hyewon walked into the angel's place. She instantly forced a smile onto her face as she saw Renjun. He rushed over to her and pulled her into his warm embrace, as he always did. She wanted to stay in it forever.

"Are you okay?" He pulled away but didn't entirely let go. His hands remained on hers, holding them as he led her to the couch where they both sat down. "How did it go?"

Hyewon shrugged her shoulders, "As expected. Jaemin scolded me and Yoon apologized for the things Hani did." She exhaled deeply and squeezed her eyelids shut as tears burned her eyes. She couldn't let them out though. She wouldn't let herself. "I'm so, so tired, Renjun."

The angel frowned, swallowing the lump in his throat. He gently grabbed the side of her head and leaned it against his shoulder. He knew what she meant, she was exhausted of feeling. Of course, she would be, anyone in her position would be completely drained.

Because one week all she experienced was joy and laughter yet, in a couple of hours, all that happiness was cruelly torn away from her.

"Should we go to the room?" Renjun asked her.

The demon shook her head and muttered, "Let's just stay here..like this."

Selfishly, Renjun added, "Forever?"

A single hot tear finally slipped past her waterline, and she moved her head from his shoulder onto his lap, wiping the tear away in the process. She took his hand and brought it to her lips, placing a soft kiss atop his knuckles.

Swallowing hard, she said, "Perhaps in another lifetime.."