NEVER NOT • H.RENJUN

14

| chapter fourteen |
for a minute, just stop..
« can't you hear me?
i'm not coming home »
mentions of rape & suicide!!

"Be a good girl and don't tell your mother about this, okay? If you do, I'll have to teach you a lesson again."

His words played over and over in Hyewon's mind, taunting at her. The young girl tugged at the hem of her torn sweatshirt. Tears glistened in her eyes as she harshly bit down on her bottom lip to the point where it began seeping with blood.

"You're okay, Hyewon. It's going to be okay," she tried to convince herself. She tried. And tried, but it seemed like she only had one option. She was unsteady, physically and mentally. The surely freezing water tempted her from below.

"Help me," she cried but no one was around to hear her pleas. Perhaps, she was begging herself but the pain in her heart blinded her from realizing it.

"Don't fight it. This is your fault. You asked for this, Hyewon."

She felt like throwing up as the man's words infiltrated her mind. Once again, she felt his hands all over her body. She scratched and rubbed on her skin but she couldn't get his marks off. She felt used and helpless. She wanted nothing else but to disappear.

"It's not my fault," she sobbed leaning over the bridge. With the little strength she had, she pulled herself over the rail. She planted her feet onto the ledge holding on for dear life.

She looked up at the dark sky that was beautifully littered with bright stars.

"Why did you do this to me?" She muttered. "What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why?" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

She was angry, angry at the man who hurt and abused her for years. Angry at herself for not fighting back. And, she was angry at the universe for making her suffer every single day of her life.

"I want everything to just stop," Hyewon muttered, her voice strained from her agonized screams. "For a minute...just stop."
She was physically and mentally drained as she stared at the water below. The strength in her hands faded and slowly she let go. 

The water was indeed freezing. The second she was submerged under water, she regretted everything. She kicked her legs and flapped her arms. But she only sunk faster. When she was unable to hold her breath any longer, the cold water surged in. It burned, in her nose and in her chest. It hurt.

Eventually, the oxygen deprivation stripped her away from her thoughts. Her eyes closed and her body flowed with the current. And for the first time, she stopped struggling.

. . .

Beads of sweat trickled down Hyewon's forehead as she jolted up from the bed. Her breathing was hitched and her heart raced rapidly, the fastest it has ever beat. A few tears slipped past her eyes and she buried her head into her hands, sobbing into them.

She was never one to cry, but when it came to remembering her past, tears spilled so easily.

At the sound of a soft knock on her door, she quickly wiped away her tears and stood up to open. Yoon stood on the other side, concern lingered on his expression. He heard her.

"You okay?" He asked watching her face attentively, trying to decipher her unreadable facade. Yoon always cared for Hyewon, not in a brotherly way but in the way a lover cares for the other. But Hyewon certainly didn't feel the same, and he knew that yet it didn't stop him.

"I'm fine," Hyewon smiled in an attempt to assure him. "What are you doing awake?" She asked trying to change the topic.

"I'm watching a movie with Hani and Jaemin," He lifted the bag of popcorn in his hand and the girl nodded.

"You should go then. Don't keep them waiting," Hyewon urged him, "I'm going back to bed."

"Okay." Yoon was hesitant to leave but he did anyway. As much as he wanted her to talk to him, she wouldn't.

The female demon closed her door and walked back to the bed. She sat at the edge of it too afraid to fall asleep again. A deep sigh left her lips as she wondered what to do to kill time.

Not wanting to be alone, she grabbed her jacket and slipped on her shoes before walking out of her room. She made her way downstairs and out of the dorm.

It was still dark out. The millions of stars smiled down at her and the gentle breeze sent shivers down her spine. It was a peaceful night yet even with the calm, her mind was restless.

Within her never ending thoughts, only one of them seemed to make her feel calm. It was the thought of him. Renjun. She didn't know what it was but something about him always brought her to peace.

And so here she was, knocking at his front door, hoping that he was home. She had only ever been there once when she dropped him off after they ditched classes together, yet she remembered the way easily.

The door opened not long after but Renjun wasn't the one to open it. Jeno stood on the other side, and it was clear by the look on his face that the demon wasn't welcome.

the past is always heartbreaking..