How to write a terrible fanfiction!

Smut!

Okay kiddies, I talk about sex in here so if you're not wanting to listen then don't read this chapter. You've been warned. You have the count of 3 to leave.

1.

2.

3.

Rad, you're still here. Proceed with caution.

First things first: Wording.

Boobs are not called "globes of flesh" they are not described as "perky." You can describe nipples as "perky" but boobs are not perky. You could say "breasts" or in some cases "bust."

Quick example: She trailed her fingers along her girlfriend's bust.

The next word is dick. Do not call it "member." Don't call it "manhood" or "package." It's a dick or a cock. We're talking smut it's supposed to be dirty. If you call a guys dick a "package" or "crotch" I will KILL you.

Next is the greatest part of female anatomy, the vagina. Don't use the following:
Vag
Vagina
Twat
Mound
Center
I just said it, IT'S SMUT AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DIRTY!!!

My next part: Kinks

Kinks are pre-negotiated. Gerard and Frank aren't gonna be having sex and Frank whips out a knife and starts fucking cutting him. They talk about it before. Blood kinks can be hot but PRE-NEGOTIATED! This isn't just blood it's everything. Bondage, toys, sado/maso, everything.

Milk fic is a good example. Ryan is fine with the whole thing, it's implied that they've done it before. He anticipates it.

This is unless it's a rape fic. I'm not kink shaming, if you have a rape fantasy, you have a rape fantasy. It's actually pretty common. If it's a rape fic then yeah, no kink negotiation.

Don't post rape fics on wattpad. This site is pretty innocent.

AUs

This could go well or it could go horribly wrong.

Teacher/student, sex slavery, cop/prisoner.. All good but remember it's smut so don't overthink an AU.

Again, think. Should this be on wattpad?

It's not supposed to be overthought. Unless your just putting a smut scene in an AU fic. Then be as creative and insane on the AU as you want.

Other stuff:

When writing threesomes/foursomes etc.. Do Not Forget About One Of The People. When you're horny, you want some action, you're not just gonna watch two others get it on, if two of them are fucking the other(s) should be doing something.

Don't write what you're uncomfortable with. If you know for a fact that you're never gonna want somebody to tie you up and fuck you, don't write bondage because it's gonna be hard to imagine and what you can't invision, you can't write.

If it's your first time writing smut, don't go for the kinky stuff. Start with a blowjob. That's as vanilla as it gets.

Blood kink people, be mindful of how much you make Person A cut Person B. Sometimes Person B should probably be in the ER.

Please don't write masochism unless you're a masochist, you don't know how it feels....

You don't moan a thousand fucking times during sex. It's usually panting and a moan when you orgasm.

Never describe a dick as beautiful. It's a dick.

When it's het, don't come inside unless you're TRYING to get her pregnant. USE A FUCKING CONDOM! (Or she's on the pill.)

You can't do anal sex without lube, it just doesn't work. It tears, it's uncomfortabe for both.

Condoms and lube appear from godknows where. Maybe you have condoms in your wallet but you don't carry lube around dumbass. Nobody does.

I think I've covered it all.

Wait nope.

GERARD TWEETS ABOUT SOCKS AND PANCAKES! HE IS NOT SECRETLY A SADIST!!!

-watches Joyriding-

Frank might have a blood kink though..

-MK