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chapter nine:
self reflection
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IF YOU ASKED a selection of people in Hogwarts about their opinion on Capella Black you would likely receive similar descriptions: scary, quiet, cold and closed off. She was cloaked in a blanket of mystery, a girl everyone would recognise but one no one truly knew. The sense of intrigue about her drew many forward to try and get closer to the unattainable girl, solve a piece of the puzzle that was Capella Black- but they were all unsuccessful.
There were very few people in Hogwarts who truly knew Capella. In fact she could count her real friends on one hand: Sirius, Regulus, Alice... and maybe Leo. (The fact that two of those people were related to her was a sad fact she elected not to think about). And while those few people were the closest to her - it didn't mean they actually knew her.
Capella was isolating herself more and more each day and it was no accident.
The less people you allow into your life, the less chance you have of being hurt. The less explaining you have to do when you eventually mess up and ruin everything. The less people you can let down.
Capella had always seen school as a means to an end. Ever since the sorting hat revealed that her decisions could influence her family's fate, she knew she needed to be as prepared as possible for when that time came. She would attend the seven years of schooling, advance her magical abilities and then make the best choices possible for her family. For if there was one lesson that had managed to stick in Capella's head from her less than pleasant childhood - it was that family was the most important thing in life.
So if you were to ask Capella for three words to describe herself she would probably agree with the students of Hogwarts. She was cold, quiet and closed off because that was the only way she knew how to be. Capella was aware she had specific roles to play in life - Her parents wanted her to be the perfect daughter, The Nott family wanted her to be the perfect wife, the sorting hat needed her to be placed in Slytherin and alter her destiny and Capella needed herself not to fail.
Even people she was closest to needed her to fulfil a role in their lives - even if they didn't mean it that way. Sirius needed Capella to not rebel and take care of their younger brother and even Regulus needed Capella to be strong and hold her own against their parents.
Capella didn't know if Walburga's 'perfect housewife training' had somehow warped her brain, but Capella needed to be needed. She didn't understand someone just wanting to be in her life because they liked her, not just what she could offer.
