Falling - Tom Holland imagine

Chapter 19

TW panic attacks, flashbacks of abuse, SMUT

It was harder than I had even imagined. Waking up in a cold mostly empty bed made my heart ache, the only solace the warm lithe form of Tessa curled up against my legs, the reminder that Tom would be back, and now we were down to just 3 more days. But for now another day wandering listlessly around the house; I'd already finished my allocated work for the week on the day after Tom had left, working through the whole day to distract myself. The following day I'd cleaned the house from top to bottom, even the unused garage, which now was essentially an extra room - maybe Tom could put his weights in there now. 

I'd spent a whole day and a half filling the freezer with batch cooked meals, bolgnaise, chilli, stews, cheese sauces, curries, and then another day making desserts, some crumbles and pies and strudels to freeze, before making some traybakes and cupcakes and scones. Taking a massive bag of excess over to the Hollands for them to share and freeze for themselves. I'd been so desperate to distract myself that I'd even volunteered to help Paddy with his homework, and I hated History. Tom had been surprised when I'd answered his call that day up to my elbows in dough and with a good sprinkling of flour on my face, but seeing the mountain of sweet treats behind me he couldn't wait to get home and sample some of them, knowing my baking skills were superb.

Today I decided to take Tessa for a good long walk over the park, it was a warm spring day and the air was full of the smell of flowers and grass after its first cut of the year, and I needed to be free after my days working in the house. I grabbed a handful of poo bags, and a ball adding them to my small rucksack, and headed out with an eager Tessa, making note to keep to the other side of the park - away from all the gorse bushes this time! I meandered my way through the park, strolling along enjoying Tessa's quiet, loving companionship. We got to a nice wide open space and I brought the ball out of my bag unclipping Tessa, watching her tail wag at supersonic speeds as I lauched it across the expanse of grass. We played happily for about 20 minutes before she began to lose interest, so I pulled out the collapsible bowl and a bottle of water for her to enjoy, while I sat down on the soft green, grass, enjoying the feel of the springy sward under my fingers, listening to the birds and the panting of a very happy dog.

I looked around, at the field and trees, wondering at such an expanse of nature in London, marvelling at the people exercising, those walking their dogs, and a small group of pre-school children setting up for a picnic near the playground in the distance; then my heart stopped, just for a second before it began pounding so hard I could feel it thudding deep inside my chest as my body tightened, my stomach clenched and I was ready to run. It was just a shortish man in a dark hoodie, with the hood pulled all the way down to his eyes, but it was the way he walked that was familiar, an almost swagger with a pronounced sway to he left and sent thrills of fear down my spine; it was a walk I'd seen from behind a thousand times as I trailed after Callum offering my apologies for whatever slight I'd offended him with.

I clipped the lead on quickly, pulling my own hood over my head, Toms pink one that he'd left with me, a hoodie no-one would expect me to be wearing, so it was good as camouflage, swinging my bag onto my shoulders and tightening it in case I had to run, and beggining to walk in a circuitous fashion towards the nearest park gate, towards people and civilisation, in case I needed help. I kept looking over my shoulder, and the man was gone, nowhere in sight but I was too unsettled and scared to function and kept fleeing the scene. It felt like it took an age as we exited the park and began to mix with people on the street. I kept my eyes open, flinching at every dark top that I saw, and doubling back around a couple of streets, just in case. My fear was consuming me and I couldn't think straight, until  we finally came along to Tom's small stretch of shops and it was then my nerve broke and with Tessas lead in hand I ran down the streets, before throwing myself at the front door, key in hand, I fell through it, slamming it behind me, pushing the chain and deadbolt on and collapsing into a breathless sobbing pile on the floor.