Falling - Tom Holland imagine

Chapter 27

It took a lot of courage to leave the flat that morning. I'd woken with twisting nausea and spent several visits to the bathroom, my stubborn body refusing to even entertain my cup of tea or shreddies or anything, leaving hunger pangs running through me as I shook with panic over what and where I was going. I managed to pull a baggy dark grey hoodie over my white stretchy vest top and leggings, not bothering with a coat despite the cool November weather, knowing my nerves would make me uncomfortably sweaty. I could deal with the cold hands and face I told myself, to stop the procrastinating and leave the building, walking off towards the park, my target in mind. Use the key, open the door, step inside, grab the laptop bag from under the hall table, walk out door, relock door and walk away. I used this as a mantra for each step I took, over and over, finding comfort in the simplicity and certainty my footsteps gave it. I pulled the sleeves over my cold hands and pulled up the hood, pulling it as far over my face as  could whilst still allowing me to see. I got closer, I could see the park exit. I got closer, I crossed the road by the shops. I got closer, just 3 streets away. I slowed my steps, looking and listening, I got closer.

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Tom had been dragged over to his parents early this Sunday being asked to take Paddy to his Tennis lesson which he'd done begrudgingly. He loved his brother but hadn't wanted to deal with people that day even though showing his face in public was something he needed to start doing again and this was a start. After an hour of watching Paddy lob balls over the net and 20 minutes of persuading Tessa that the balls are not hers it was time to head home. He parked outside his parents and brought Paddy in, smelling the start of the traditional roast dinner from the kitchen. He went to make a cup of tea, more for the activity than the desire for a hot drink. As he grabbed a mug from the cupboard his mum began to talk to him about the next board meeting for the Trust which was coming up and how they needed to have the new logo's available to choose from. Tom nodded and agreed to go and grab the samples he currently had for her to see. He continued with the tea, while she looked at him. " Oh, you mean now?" She nodded. Tom sighed and grabbed his keys, shoving his trainers back on his feet and heading back home.

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I was lurking just round the corner from Toms girding my loins to just go in and grab it - his car was gone so he wasn't there. Part of me ached at that, knowing I'd lost  a last chance to see his strong features in person and the rest was just relieved that I would avoid any confrontation. My heart was pounding and I was consumed by fear - I needed to do this and quickly, I was feeling increasingly unwell with the adrenaline surging through my body and dizziness increasing with every gasping breath I took trying to stop panic from taking over. 

So I strode round the corner, trying to inject confidence into myself, approaching the driveway, keeping the big hedge on my left, looking down at the pavement, each individual paving slab, and each movement of my feet forward, seeing another pair of feet come into view with my own when I smacked into a solid warmth and bounced back a step and offered up a "Sorry" trying to move to one side to walk around them when I looked up to see the one person I couldn't afford to see. I saw his open expression, those warm brown, expressive eyes widening at the sight of me, his curly mop of hair, with rogue curls falling over his forehead, the luminescent skin which made his few freckles stand out and the look of shock, then horror that emerged over his features as he reached his hand out towards my face. I saw his mouth move but everything was muffled, fading out, rippled like being underwater, a brightness that hurt my eyes and everything swung away to the left and it was all gone.

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Tom had taken his time heading back home, he was glad of the opportunity to be away from his loving but overbearing family just for a while. It was a bit cold but he wasn't going to be out in it for long - as he turned the corner just outside the path to his front door, he smacked into a body wearing a dark grey top with the hood up, face looking at the ground. He opened his mouth to apologise when he heard the voice he's been dreaming of hearing, offering up a "Sorry". He gasped and she raised her face for him to see Y/N, there in front of him. His eyes raked over her familiar features, such a welcome sight to his soul, but her face was so pale, red rimmed eyes with huge dark shadows underneath them and gaunt cheeks and horror washed through him at how unwell she looked. Her once shining eyes were dull, strands of lifeless hair framing her face, and without thinking he raised his hand to cup her cheek