Falling - Tom Holland imagine

Chapter 33

"Well, what do you think?" Tom asked as we left the grounds of the private hospital

"Seems good, I like the size of the rooms and the privacy is wonderful, not being stuck waiting for hours sounds like heaven. Oh and the home visits from the midwife, is 100% yes" I responded. We'd plunged right in to the private healthcare and now we were referred onto their books and I would be having my ongoing care managed by the antenatal team here, we had a confirmed set of appointments for my 20 week scan and then additional scans every 4 weeks after that to monitor the babies growth and development, and as a plus my bimonthly midwife appointments would be at home - a godsend as I progressed and grew bigger. I was now 14 weeks along and I had popped quite a bit more, there was now no mistaking that I was pregnant. And Tom loved it. He loved it. Every day he would spend hours watching me and my belly, touching it, holding it, stroking it and of late talking to it. I'd sit on the sofa, he'd sit on the floor between my legs and rest his face against the bump and murmur and whisper away to my stomach. I'd taken to secretly videoing it partially for posterity and partially to show his mum - it was adorable.

We were close to Christmas again, and I was excited for this year; I wouldn't be alone for a start, but would have my own place at the table. I would belong. We were having a full christmas dinner with all the Hollands, but Tom and I would have our own morning to ourselves so I had the very best of both worlds. I had to get planning buying most of the stuff I needed online, including thoughtful gifts for the whole family as well as new decorations for our home. I'd finally taken Tom to my old flat to collect the last of my things that were there, and planned to just let the lease lapse, so this was my one and only abode.

Tom still had another month before his voice over work started, but following the awards event and his well turned out appearance he'd been pinged to do some photoshoots for a couple of magazines just before christmas week and then mid Jan too. He was slightly wary about revealing too much as he knew the questions were bound to touch on his absence from everything. We sat together on the sofa to discuss it. I thought the best way forward was for him to post some stuff on Instagram, baldly stating that he'd taken a mental health break following a stressful period to take the wind out of the magazines sails, and if they pushed it then they'd look like uncaring arseholes, plus it gave the message to millions that it was okay to not be okay. Tom was consulting with his publicist over this through a zoom call while I sat to one side reading through a pregnancy and what to expect with twins book. She came back with an okay, but to be careful of the info he put out, and that at some point there was more he was going to have to reveal and she gestured my way.

"Yeah, but I'm not putting Y/N name out there at all or anything about the babies till closer to their birth. I'm not going to spend hours being hounded by the press to answer questions about my personal life. Thats so far out of bounds its not even in the same solar system."

""I get that Tom," she said, "but unless you are hiding them all away for the next 19 years, something will get out. Better its in your control. But I agree not until later in the year"

So later that day Tom downloaded Instagram again and logged into his account deleting the DMs and blocking persistent offenders before scrolling through his gallery to find something he could post that was new enough, but not too revealing, and finding links to several mental health charities he was going to tag to help others out. He typed and deleted and typed and deleted, trying to strike the right note, before being inspired and knocking it out, passing it to me for my views

Hi guys, I know I've been away from SM for a while, and I wanted you to know how I've been. I needed to take a break for my mental health following a really stressful period. I wasn't in a good place and taking a break from public appearances was the best thing for me. I know some of you would have been disappointed but I needed to do this for me. I'm feeling much better now and am working on several exciting projects, including #animatedmovie and #magazinenameshoot. So keep an eye out and remember its okay to need help, its okay to take a break and its #okaytonotbeokay List of mental health resources