Falling - Tom Holland imagine

Chapter 23

The remaining 2 days before Tom left for the Phillipines was spent curled up together, either in bed or on the sofa watching crap, taking comfort in the closeness of each other, now we were both feeling the upcoming loss to the same extent, but feeling reassured that we would get through this and be stronger for it; then almost as a blessing the final day before he left Tom had a call from his publicist and agent informing him that his time in the Phillipines had been cut to just 5 weeks, but instead he had a weeks worth of comicon in the US. For us that meant a week closer to being together again, an easier time getting home for Tom and he really enjoyed these events, loving the chance to speak directly with the fans, enjoying the questions they had, the panels and catching up with his peers, as also appearing was RDJ, Chris Evans and Benedict Cumberbatch. 

In a brighter frame of mind he began to pack as I sat on the bed listening to him chat through the days ahead, the plans and how long it would be till he got home. I was relieved to hear the cheer in his voice as his nightmare had worried me deeply - it seemed me talking to him about my problems had made him take them on as his own, the opposite of what I wanted - I would bear my memories and panic a million times over rather than hand it to him, after all I had the practice.

I handed him his toiletries bag, smiling to myself as hidden inside was a small photo of us together as well as a folded love letter for when he got there; making sure he packed his extra trainers, while he turned to get them I packed one of my tshirts that Id been wearing also with a sneaky note inside, so he had something of mine to hold onto. I wanted him to feel as loved as he made me. Eventually everything was done and the case was placed by the door, ready for his pick up at 6.30 that night, his flight going at 10pm. He stood by the kitchen, looking lost, and all I could do was hold him close, as the tears and fears began to surface for him as the time ticked by. I wiped the single tear from his face as I pressed my lips to his over and over trying to convey that I would be alright and he should stop worrying about me and focus on his job, that he loves, and brings joy to so many more people in the world. We just stood there holding on tight as the time ticked closer, it was hard and there was a growing sense of dread as I worried for him rather than for me, but which in a strange way made it easier.

Then the knock on the door came as the car was here. I squeezed tighter than ever and kissed him one last time, with all the passion and love I could muster before walking him to the door and his bag. He passed his case to Harry to put in the boot as I handed him his bag for the plane, my birthday photobook stashed at the bottom for him, and bid him farewell, safe journey and keep in touch. I rested my forehead against his as I whispered "I love you always."

Before walking back inside, not wanting to see him actually leave. I walked to the sofa and collapsed knowing that but giving myself the luxury of a good cry now it would ease the pressure later on. I pressed my face into the blankets and sobbed till I could barely breathe.

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The first 3 days were hard, Tom was mostly out of contact on various connecting flights and then getting settled into the set and trailers and everything, but I'd had a couple of reassuring messages from Harry, including one with a photo of Tom asleep and drooling on the last leg of the flight. I'd begun to clean again, but not as badly as last time, assigning myself one room per day to keep it in moderation.

Today was the bathroom and I washed out the shower and bath, replaced all the towels with clean ones, and added in a reed diffuser to keep it fresh. I scrubbed the toilet and around the base of it, clearing up some unsavoury looking stains, and whilst doing so I began to feel a nagging cramp in my abdomen, probably from stretching and twisting to reach the hard to clean spots. I began to clean the mirror and felt the ache grow lower as I reached high; something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't place it. I moved on to wipe out the sink, running my hands gently over the shaving foam and razor that Tom had left behind. Bathroom done I headed down to the living room to work on my laptop updating the galleries for the Trust website, fidgeting as I tried to get comfortable, feeling a stabbing pain inside me. Unsure what was going on I headed for the toilet to have a little look.