TW: Mental Health issues and contemplation of self harm and previous attempts. Also references to Domestic Violence
I woke the next morning, tangled in my comforter still fully dressed with the bright winter sun pulsing through the half closed curtains illuminating the specks of dust in the air, the pile of clean clothes waiting to be put away and the horror story of my reflection staring back from the gilt framed mirror. Wow, I looked rough but felt rougher. Not because of the 2 glasses of wine I'd drunk last night but the still hollow emptiness of my insides with the sharp edges of pain digging their claws further into my fragile psyche. I willed myself to move and after a few minutes debate I pulled myself into a standing position before heading to the kitchen via the bathroom.
I pulled open the cupboard to stare unethusiastically at the groceries within, before moving to the top cupboard and looking blankly at the boxes of medication just sitting there, looking smug, not helping me at all, just taunting me with the promise of being well again. I reached into the cupboard to pull out the latest bottle of meds clutching them tightly, almost afraid to let go of them. I struggled with the cap, finally prying it open and staring at the half neon, half baby pink capsules; such a pretty cheery colour, which did nothing to chase away the blackness inside me. I closed my eyes briefly, overwhelmed with the urge to just swallow them all, anything to get some peace, something. I was holding on too tightly as my still weakened left arm cramped painfully as the muscles spasmed tightly clenching and releasing, a problem becoming more and more frequent despite the assertions of the physio that this was to be expected. The bottle clattered onto the counter spilling the pink beans across the surface. I sighed loudly before picking them up and replacing them in the bottle aside from today's dose, replacing the bottle on its designated shelf before reaching higher for the painkillers to help relieve the agony of my arm.
Having dosed myself up and made a hopefully relaxing cup of peppermint tea and half heartedly forced down a small bowl of cereal I sat on my sofa watching the tv, in that no mans land between xmas and new year - where no-one knows what day it is or what to do with themselves. I picked up a magazine hoping to distract myself from the encroaching dark thoughts when I heard a muffled buzzing sound. I looked at the seat next to me realising I couldn't see my phone and retraced my steps, finally locating it half under the bed next to my discarded boots from last night. The call that had alerted me had ended but there was a voicemail:
Hi Y/N, just calling to check in on you, Tom said you hadn't been feeling so well last night. Anyway we're having a family board game day to fend off the boredom and eat up the last of the snacks so please do drop in if you're feeling well enough! Nikki's voice dropped almost to a whisper before continuing I'm sorry if any of the guests last night made you uncomfortable but please do pop round - you're practically family these days. Speak soon, take care.
The voicemail came to an end and I sat there wondering why this family were taking the time to check in on me? Board games, huh. I thought, thinking of all the cosy adverts over the last few months peddling the ideal of families sitting together, laughing, happy, to play the latest exciting games together, fighting against the lure of new games consoles. And how every time my heart had yearned to have that environment promised to me, vaguely remembering the odd occasion when we'd visited grandparents and they'd pulled out a dusty old Monopoly board which had once belonged to my dad, with half the money missing and only the thimble counter remaining and how that half hour or so we'd played was the epitome of what I'd desired to have as a child. Before another spat had arisen between my narcissistic mother and her in-laws and I'd been yanked away from the table and into the car, still clutching onto the thimble piece, now long lost.
I wanted it. I wanted it so badly I could taste it. But why me? Why should I break up their family board games. Family. Not family plus some random aquaintance. I wasn't worth their time and I could hear Callum's sneer in the back of my head
YOU ARE READING
Falling - Tom Holland imagine
FanfictionY/N is Falling, but will anyone catch her? Recovering from an abusive marriage and trying to find herself and her place in the world again when an accident leaves the Holland family becoming a central part of her life, including Tom. But they're...
