Kismet

Chapter 30- Stay

JK and I lay like that for a while, quietly taking in the morning. After an hour or so, he sits up, presses a kiss to the top of my head, and does his own morning routine. We haven't said anything yet to each other, but I know it's coming. I don't know if I'm ready for it, but it'll happen eventually, whether I'm ready or not.

He leaves the room and comes back about 10 minutes later with breakfast. He went with simple and easy, which I can appreciate, just a couple of egg sandwiches. It's not elaborate, but it's tasty and filling. I wonder to myself if this is Jin's handiwork or JK's, but when I see the pleased grin on his face as I eat, I determine it must be his cooking.

When he comes back to the room after taking our tray to the kitchen, I know the time has come. I can see on his face that he's waited long enough, and it's time to finally clear the air.

I sit up in the bed, tucking my legs under me. JK sits on the edge of the bed, facing me, fiddling with his thumbs. Guess I'm not the only one who's nervous.

I take the initiative to start, knowing I owe him at least that much after the way he's taken care of me.

"I'm sorry," I tell him plainly.

He looks up at me with surprise in his eyes. "You're sorry? What for?"

"A lot of things. I'm sorry for throwing myself at you the other night. I know it was completely inappropriate. I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. I'm always calling you when I need help, and I feel like I'll never be able to return the favor."

"I don't accept," he says firmly before I can continue my apologies.

I look up at him in shock but quickly look away. I deserve that, I guess. I don't know what else to say, so I sit awkwardly, wondering if maybe I should get up and go... but before I can entertain that thought for longer than a moment, I feel JK's hands take my own, being extra gentle due to my wounds.

"I don't accept because neither of those are good reasons to apologize. You say sorry too much, angel. Firstly, you never have to be sorry for touching or kissing me. Never. I liked it. I would have let it continue if you weren't drunk and extremely vulnerable. When we take that step, I want you to be doing it just because of me and you, not in response to your ex."

I feel a little ashamed, knowing he was right. I was doing it to forget. As much as the attraction and feelings I have for JK are real, I wasn't going about it for the right reasons.

He gently grabs my chin and lifts it, so I face him. His thumb brushes my cheek before he lets go, smiling softly. "Secondly, you have never taken advantage of me. Anything I've given to you has been of my own accord. My time, attention, gifts, any of it has been because I wanted to. You rarely ask for anything. As far as calling for my help, I want that. I want to be the one you turn to when you need help. If you need something, I'm always here. When it all falls apart, I want to be the person you run to. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I want it to be mine. You will never be a burden to me, love."

As much as I want to argue with him on that fact, I don't. His actions have more than demonstrated that he is willing to be whoever I need him to be. He has never given me a reason to doubt him and his intentions other than my drunken night that begs to be forgotten. It's strange how that one night made me doubt so much when everything JK had ever done up until that point had always suggested his good intentions and love for me.

I shouldn't have doubted him, but I was too torn up to think straight. This man has shown his love for me in words and actions from the start. He has always been my safe place, and the fact that I doubted him at all is surprising to even me. I won't do it again.

"So no more 'I'm sorry's' then," I tell him with a small grin. He nods, returning my smile while scooting closer to me on the bed.

"I know this might be too soon, and I don't want to rush you," he says, "but would you stay here? I mean, obviously right now, but... for good?" His bright eyes look over at me with hope.