Wander of time: Darkness within (doctor who)

Chapter 52: A Wanderer's Memories (Part Two)

Warning: Dark themes ahead in this chapter. There is child abuse/death, mentioning of suicide, and some blood. Please read with caution if these topics are difficult for you.

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Three days. That was how long it has been since . . . since . . . Sitting in the corner which I had secluded myself to, I let out a sob as I could not even bring myself to think about the occurrence. But I could not get it out of my mind. Tina had . . . She had . . .

After we had left for our testing . . . from what the other children had told of what they had witnessed . . . right after our departure, Tina had turned around and walked straight to the window. She somehow managed to climb up to the small window, then broke a large piece of glass from it. Getting back down to the floor, the children told how they had watched with unbelieving eyes as Tina . . . as she . . . Just like that. Not a word spoken. Not a change in motion. Just getting that piece of glass and . . . She did not even allow herself to regenerate.

The window was fixed now. The Golems had done so. They merely walked in, cleaned up the mess, dragged Tina out of the room, and left us all in our states of shock and dismay. Right after the door slammed behind the departing Golems, I walked over to the one decent corner of the room and curled up into myself. Not speaking a word. Not eating or sleeping. Merely sitting there . . . doing nothing and letting my mind tumble into chaos in trying to comprehend just why Tina had . . . Just . . . Why Tina? Why would one ever think of such a thing to do to themselves? And the worst part was . . . I felt as if it were all my fault.

I could have noticed the signs of Tina feeling so horrible that she felt as if she had to do such an act. That she felt that life was meaningless and that no one could help her through her depression. Why had I not noticed? No, I realize now that I had indeed seen the signs. I had simply been too selfish to bother in helping poor Tina out of her dark thoughts and feelings. I had ignored all the signs, ignored everything that I could have done to save her. And because I kept my sight averted from the inner troubles Tina had been facing . . . I had caused her to see no end to her horrors.

I let out another sob, curling into myself as I sat in the dark corner, wrapping my arms around my head as I buried my face into my bent knees. Again and again, the thoughts of Tina went through my mind. Tina, the one person who had kept everyone full of hope and happiness, kept me and Shelly so filled with glee for having her as our big sister of sorts . . . was no more. And I felt nothing but despair upon knowing that I would never see her again.

"Oi! Stop fighting you bunch of animals! Can't any of you learn to share?!"

I glanced up weakly from my knees, seeing that the Golems had brought in our weekly food rations. Kids in the room were fighting around the bag as they scrambled for food. None of them stuck to the system of sharing as Tina had set up. In fact, they all seemed to have abandoned very rule the older girl had made for them since her departure from this world. Shelly had been trying to keep order. But so far . . . nothing seemed to get any of the younger children to listen. Shelly had tried getting me to help as well, but . . .

Shelly glanced back at me, seeming to plead at me with her eyes to get me to move, do something, anything. But still, I remained in my cationic state, simply sitting there, staring at everyone with blank eyes. What did it matter anyway? It was not as if any of them would listen to me or Shelly. We had always been the lesser of the older experiments in the facility. The . . . older experiments . . . .

It clicked in my mind, quite suddenly. As I blinked, looking around the room, I realized something right there and then. There were no older experiments. It was literally Shelly and I left who had been here the longest. All the rest were children who were brought in and out at a normal rate of a new batch every week. But us two, Shelly and me, we were the only consistency left in this horrible mess. And . . . these children . . . they needed something consistent. Someone who could be stable minded, strong-willed, and keep calming kindness for all. Tina had been that one to keep the peace. And now with her gone . . . I knew someone else needed to step up in the loss we all felt. I . . . I had to do it. I knew Shelly could not with how temperamental and aggressive she is. Someone . . . needed to be like Tina and keep order. Because of my selfishness in letting us lose our strong leader, our caring mother . . . I knew I needed to step up to help and finish what Tina had started. I did not know if I would live long enough to see the end of it or keep everyone alive, but I knew I would keep one thing going: hope. Tina had such hope in the Time Lords coming to save us. Something which I knew I needed to carry on. For Tina . . . my beloved sister.