angel baby (heavy editing)

44

      "Do you want to talk about your feelings with me?"
            Five minutes in and Chris was done with therapy. He was biting his nails again and he didn't feel comfortable in his skin. When they were first introduced, the woman had spoken to him like she would speak to a five year old and it was annoying. She must have taken a look at his file. Moreover, she was a stranger and he didn't trust strangers now. Kathy was once a stranger. He had let her in and she was taken away from him almost immediately. He couldn't go through that again. He really missed Kathy. And he missed Oliver too but Oliver was right outside the door and had promised he wouldn't leave.
"Chris? Chris?"
The voice had him snapping out of his thoughts. He looked up at the therapist. He didn't like the look on her face.
"Chris, I can't imagine what you're going through and I'm not going to pretend that I do. But I want you to know that you can trust me and nothing you say to me will reach the hears of a third person. I'm only here to help you. So let's try again. How are you feeling right now?"
Chris thought about that question. He still didn't trust her but the whole point of therapy was to get better and Oliver was paying a lot so he would. He would at least try. To answer her question, he felt scared, empty but most especially anxious. How would he go on?
"I feel anxious", he answered honestly. He was relieved that his mind and brain was allowing him to express himself vocally. He had had an episode the previous day, on the very last day of the getaway but Oliver had been very patient.
"And why do you feel anxious?"
"Because Kathy and I made a plan to do everything together and now that she's gone, I don't know how to proceed without her"
"And what were the things you planned to do together?"
"Right after I graduated, we were going to travel and live in France. I was going to get an art degree there and she said she would serve as my publicist. She said she was going to make me famous"
"And now that she's gone, you're anxious you're not going to be able to do these things without her"
"Yes but it's not just about these things. I don't have to be popular and I don't have to travel to France to get a degree. I can get one here but those words coming from her made me feel on top of the world, like I could do anything irregardless of my disability"
"When you call yourself disabled, how does that make you feel?"
How did that make him feel? But he was disabled, wasn't he? The diagnosis said so, the internet said so, everyone said so.
"I don't know", he replied.
"Rather than call yourself disabled, call yourself special"
Kathy sometimes would call him special. It wasn't like others didn't but it was the way she said it that even he knew was different. He hadn't thought about her in a hot minute. He missed her so much.
He just nodded at her. He still wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Tell me about Kathy. Everything you wish to tell me. I've heard that she's your adopted sister"
Chris hesitated. He didn't know this woman like that.
"It's fine if you don't want to tell me. I know you do not trust me and I have not given you any reason to. Why don't I give you a introduction to my person?"
But she had.  She was Dr. Smith. She was one of the family therapists of the Borgheses. She a PhD in psychology and special education. She also had a daughter who was two years younger than him. Therapy wasn't helping. At least today's session wasn't. His anxiety all but increased.
              
                  Oliver sat on a bench in the waiting room scrolling through his phone. More than once, he had been tempted to place his ear on the door that separated Chris from him and listen in like a creep. He had earlier paced and just not because he was curious to know but because the bench was so uncomfortable, it really was. One hour felt like a lifetime when one was anxious to know the results. This was Chris' first therapy session with a new therapist. He had earlier told Oliver he used to visit one but stopped when they couldn't afford the bill. He would go thrice a week at the beginning and when the therapist deemed Chris to be getting better, it would reduce to twice and eventually once every two weeks. He would go Mondays and Thursdays by 7 before school started and would go on Saturdays by 11. It was Thursday today and after therapy, they would go to school together. Chris hadn't specifically given him a pass that he could come along but he always would especially during the week days unless Chris told him otherwise. If the therapy wasn't helping Chris in anyway, Oliver would immediately fire her and find another therapy or find another means.
Finally, the door opened and Dr Smith exited followed by Chris.
"See you on Saturday", she said to him smiling a bit. That was good, right?
He turned to face Chris and he frowned noting Chris looked way exhausted than he was when he entered. So it wasn't helping. He barely heard the woman acknowledging his existence as Chris walked towards him and wrapped his arms around his waist, his head on his chest. Oliver immediately reciprocated. Chris was a simp for hugs and a simp for cuddles. He was perfect.
He pulled out of the hug first.
"How was it? Did it help?"
He already knew the answer.
He shook his head, "No, not really"
Oliver took Chris' hand in his and squeezed.
"Are you up to go to school? We can go home if you want to"
Chris immediately shook his head,
"No, I want to go. I promised my friends I would come"
Oliver hated, hated, the sudden dose of jealousy that slammed into him. What the fuck? Chris was allowed to have friends. He couldn't be the possessive boyfriend. Fuck, they were not even dating.
"Okay then, let's go", he forced out a smile hoping Chris wouldn't notice. They walked out together.