angel baby (heavy editing)

49

     (A/N:  So this chapter is definitely like a closure chapter, kind of where resolutions are made and stuff) 

  Oliver opened his eyes in panic. He didn't know why. He couldn't put his finger on why he had. If it was a dream, he didn't remember having one. It was weird. He reached out to hold Chris who would assuredly serve as comfort but found his bedside empty. He immediately sat up and looked around the room. Where was Chris? Was his sudden panic related to Chris? Was Chris okay? He hurriedly stood up from the bed to check the bathroom. He wasn't in there. He checked the closet just to be sure. He wasn't in there and then that was when the real panic started. Confused as to where to begin, he took his phone from the nightstand to check the time. 5:45 am, it read. It was later than he expected. They had to be in school in a few hours. He proceeded to put on his robe. Chris probably went in search for water. It happened to everyone. His instinct told him to check the balcony. He almost hit himself at that realization. That was the very place Chris would be. They had been living together for months now and that small fact still escaped. He walked towards the window that led to balcony and slowly pulled it open in order didn't want to startle him too much. He could be lost in his thoughts. And just as he thought,  Chris sat there staring into space. He was in one of his flimsy nightwear. Oliver frowned. It was impossibly cold. Was he trying to get hypothermia? He hoped that he hadn't been outside for too long.
He returned inside to grab a blanket for him and rushed back out. He quickly but quietly walked over to him and took the free seat next to him. Chris was only surprised to see him but didn't look panicked. Thank God.
One of the many things he had learnt about Chris the past few weeks was that Chris hated being startled. He got all panicked and wide eyed. It had happened once with them. Oliver never wanted to see it again.
He covered his boyfriend up with the blanket and Chris, the next second, rested his head on his shoulder. He could immediately tell this was one of Chris' off days. He moved them to Chris could lay his head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. This was his way of showing he was there. He wish he could do more to make him feel better.
If they stayed her for a few seconds, they would see the sunrise.
Chris shivered against him. Fuck. Oliver hoped he hadn't caught a cold staying out here for a while. He felt warm in his arms but he knew that didn't mean shit. Chris wasn't supposed to get sick, not under his watch.
"Are you okay, baby? Should we go inside now? I don't want you catching a cold"
"No, not yet. I want to see the sunrise" 
He knew it. They sat in silence for a while until Chris broke it.
"I dreamt of her, you know"
Her. Kathy.
"She was smiling and I hated it. Why was she smiling when no matter what I do, I can’t get that painful ache to lesson?”
Oliver tightened his grip on him.
“Am I terrible person, Oliver?”
“No, no of course not”
“It still hurts so much. And I don’t know what to do sometimes”
Oliver had to assure him somehow.
“Don’t beat yourself up for it, baby. There’s no set time or formula on how you should grieve. Whatever you feel is completely valid. Take all the time you need. I’m here every step of the way”
“My therapist says the exact same things you’ve just said but it makes much more sense coming from you”, Chris said.
That brought a smile on Oliver’s face.
“Can you take me to see her before we go to school?” Chris spoke again.
“Sure, anything for you”, he replied then spoke again, “But can we go inside now? I don’t want you catching a cold”
“Okay”
Chris pulled away and stood up and Oliver followed. Chris turned to face him looking up at him. There was something about Chris early in the morning that just did it for Oliver. He internally snorted. He would say the same thing about Chris at any given time of the day. 
“I’m sorry for making you worried”, Chris said to him.
Oliver raised his hand to caress his cheeks.
“I love you, okay? You’re never alone. I’m here for you”
Chris nodded and moved to wrap his arms around his waist. He returned the embrace and they stayed like that for a while.
       It was always difficult when Chris visited Kathy’s cemetery but it was especially difficult today. And to top it all, it was raining so he wouldn’t be able to stay for as long as he wanted to. Oliver stood next to him under the shared umbrella holding his hand tightly. He was grateful he had Oliver with him. He made everything easier. He read Kathy's journal every other day in order to let the words stick in his brain. He needed to believe those words or he wouldn't be able to move on.
When the rain got heavier, he knew they had to go no matter how much his mind demanded they stayed because Kathy was more important but he couldn't put Oliver's health at risk. He didn't want to make Oliver worry anymore or his mother or anyone else that mattered. Kathy wouldn't like that. He had to honor her memory. They left shortly after.
           School felt miserable. And the fact that he started the day on the wrong foot made it even more miserable. He quickly came to the realization that it wasn't just his bad mood that him feel like school that day was a misery. Ken voiced his thoughts on it and everybody else agreed. Winter break did just end.
        Later after school, Chris and Oliver walked hand in hand towards Oliver's car. They still received constant stares from students. It made Chris very uncomfortable. It didn't cause him nearly as much anxiety he used to get when he first enrolled here in school but he didn't understand why people stared so much. Kathy had once pointed out that he did the exact same thing, only worse sometimes but at least it wasn't on purpose. Chris was preparing his mind for the day  to accept that every small thing was going to remind him of Kathy. They arrived by Oliver's car, entered and got their seatbelts fixed. Chris wished he could drive. It was one of the things that was in the bucket list he created with her. Was he just going to abandon doing everything? Would Kathy be happy if he did that. A sudden touch to his hand him flinching. He had been so deep in his thoughts. He turned to face Oliver who expression showed worry. He didn't meant to do that.
"Should we pick up something for you to eat? You didn't ear lunch"
He started to shake his head but stopped. He could clearly see that Oliver was worried he wasn't eating and it wasn't like he wasn't hungry like he was about to say, he just wasn't in the food.
"Some salad will suffice"
"And strawberry milk?"
He nodded immediately at that. He could guarantee his favorite drink would always make him feel better, even just a little bit.
Oliver turned on the ignition and he thought about driving again and the bucket list.
"I think I want to do it"
He turned to face Oliver who was already looking at him.
"Do what?"
"Kathy and I created this list of things we would do after I graduated. The first thing was to learn how to drive a car. I want to do that and all other things also. We planned to travel to France together. I still want to do that"
"Then let's do it", Oliver said, "If you'll have me"
Chris wanted nothing more than that.
"You'd really come with me?"
"Of course. Let's do it. You want to learn to drive, let's do it. You want to travel to France, let's do that. We graduate in three months, we can start planning now until then"
Chris felt himself smiling. There was finally a smile on his face that day but he thought of something and that smile turned into a frown.
"We can't go in three months. I have three more years of art school"
Though the art school wasn't as rigid and didn't follow the same curriculum as regular high schools, he couldn't just up and travel. Besides, he didn't have money.
"You can always come back and do it. Why do you have to wait? My mom owns the school. Well technically, you do. Not right now, but in the nearest future, everything belongs to you"
Chris couldn't imagine having that that kind of power.
"Can I really do that?"
"Of course, yes"
"But what about money? I don't have money"
Oliver gave him a look he could describe as "deadpan". What did he do?
"Baby, your birth parents are billionaires"
Oh. Wait, that was true. It didn't feel true though.
"So we could really go? Just like that?"
"Just like that"
Wow.
"Okay"
Oliver gave him that open mouthed smile that he so much loved. Oliver didn't smile like that with anyone else.
        After that conversation, Chris finally felt the hunger that was with him all day
come to surface so they stopped at a drive through and ordered some fast food. Halfway home, Chris received a phone call from his mother. She was still in Peru. He missed her so much.
"Chris, baby, how are you?"
"Fine" he replied flatly. He was glad to hear her voice and he missed her greatly but he was still upset she was still not home.
"So earlier a boy called. He said his name is Jason"
Jason. That was Kathy's boyfriend, well ex boyfriend. Jason, who didn't know Kathy was...gone.
"He asked after Kathy sounding really worried. I kind of just blurted out the truth until I realized that she went off to see Jason all those times she would sneak out and I would pretend I didn't see. I wish I made her comfortable enough to tell me"
He could tell she was on the brink of tears though her voice. 
"I tried to apologize and all but I think he's still shaken up. Do you remember when we were cleaning out Kathy's room and we found that red band that had J on it. I think it was meant for Jason and I think Jason would really like to have it. Do you think you can stop by at home and give it to him?"
Chris thought about it. He could but with the day he had, he couldn't stomach the thought of looking through Kathy's stuff but Oliver could. Oliver could help.
"Okay"
"I'll send you his number so you can agree on a location. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I should be doing this"
"No I should be doing this. I'll call you when it's done"
"Okay, my love. I love you very much"
"I love you too mom"
        And that was how they found themselves taking a road trip to his mother's house to get the band and drove to meet Jason at the agreed location. They saw him before he saw them. As they got closer, Chris studied him. He had only met Jason once before now and boy did he look miserable. He supposed Jason would say the same thing about him.
Jason barely managed to keep his tears at bay when they conversed. When Chris provided the bracelet, he couldn't keep his tears in and didn't bother to. As Chris watched the sixteen year old cry, he was determined to see that Kathy's memory lived on. He would always remember her and he would everything they vowed to do.