Our Love- Peaky Blinders- Complete

The aftermath

Thursday

Rose pov

Losing family is something no one can ever get over. I don't remember when mama died or when dad left us. But it's left a hole in my heart which I've covered for so long. Yet the scar is still there, it can't full heal without them in my life. Just knowing that dad didn't want me, that mum couldn't handle me, its made a crack in my soul. Many other kids at school, they have parents. They have people who love them. I thought I had that. Not in the same way, but I had a Tommy. They didn't. I had Arthur and John whilst they were lonely. And now I have no one. Not really

I've not been school in so long. Once I cared about my grades, I cared for art and literature. But I stopped when I discovered how trapped I felt there. I couldn't be myself. Instead, I was forced to sit next to my girlfriend for 6 hours and pretend she's just a friend. It's impossible to do that and still be happy. Not to mention that after Mr Clarkson saw us kissing, I've been too nervous to return. He knew and it just had me panicked. For some reason, my brain was telling me that if I didn't see him, I would be safe

I've been grounded many times before. But this was by far the worst. I couldn't for the life of me understand how my brothers could act this way. Sure, I knew what they had been taught as children, what society had forced into their heads. But I figured that after finding out about me, maybe it would change their minds. Clearly I was wrong

My brothers have been avoiding me all day. Every time I see them, they immediately leave me alone in this cold world, and my heart beats slower with each heartbreak. Luckily for me, I still have some family who love me. Ada, esme, polly and finn. Well atleast I believe finn still loves me. After what I said to Tommy about grace, I'd understand if he too wishes to abandon me. Who can blame him?

I lay staring at the wall in my room. Esme, ada and polly perched on my bed attempting to make me feel better some how. But it was no use. Their words of love and gratitude meant nothing to me if I couldn't see my one true love

"I know its tough baby. But they are your brothers. And they love you very much" polly said stroking my hair from my face

"It'll take a while for them to wrap their head around things. You know what they are like love. Awkward as a cart load of monkeys" esme soothed me

"They'll come round. They still love you rose. And so do we. We love you no matter what" ada kissed my cheek and hugged me as I continued to lie on the bed in self pity

Finn walked into the room and the girls went stiff. I could tell he hadn't told them yet and so they weren't sure if he was going to hug me or kill me

"How you doing rose?" Finn asked

"Shit. I shouldn't have said that to Tommy. I love Grace and I know he did aswell. He still does" I said feeling an overwhelming wave of guilt

"What you said was wrong. True. But what he said was just as bad. You know I still love you right?" He asked. I smiled at him and he came over and kissed my forehead

"Guess you're the most manly one out of your brothers" esme said

"I've known for awhile. But promised not to tell anyone" he explained

"Oh finn. You're a good boy" polly says kissing my cheek

"Why can't all men be as kind as you ay? Why's our family full of simple minded pigs?" Ada asked rolling her eyes and laying down next to me in a huff

"Oh by the way, Tommy wants to see you rose" I groaned and flopped off the bed

"Is he going to shoot me? Has he told the coppers? Is this him forgiving me?" I bombarded finn with questions but the nerves were getting the better of me

"Rose luv. Calm down. I'm not sure why Tommy wishes to speak with ya. He didn't tell me. I won't lie, he doesn't look happy. But you can handle Tommy. We've spent our entire lives being looked down on by him. Being called to his office for a telling off. I'm sure by now, you're used to his shenanigans" finn said holding my shoulders as he looked me in the eye. I took a deep breath and closed me eyes to calm myself

"Wish me luck" I mumbled as I slouched to Tommy's office, terrified of what he might have to say. I walked through the corridor, and stood outside his office. But I couldn't bring myself to walk in. And so I stood outside for a moment and gathered my thoughts, my breath, my soul. I took some deep breaths in order to control my anger. Last thing I want is to yell at Tommy whilst trying to apologise to him. What I said was out of line. And I will take responsibility and apologise for it. But if that's the case, then I want him to apologise aswell

I stood thinking for a moment before finn walked past

"What did he say?" Finn asked

"Oh I've not been in yet. I'm too scared finn. What if he kicks me out of the family?" I asked, tears prickling my eyes. Finn hugged me tightly and cupped my face

"He can try, but do you truly think that we'd let him do that? Aunt pol runs this family no matter what Tommy says. And at the end of the day, she makes the final decisions. So go in there with your head held high and show Tommy that shelby women are not a force to be reckoned with" and so I did just that