Jin's Mistake • KSJ

Thirty Seven

"Jin stop!" His words, which used to make you feel needy and full of anticipation suddenly made you feel sick.

You were acting worse than a slut, you were breaking Seungho's heart. This wasn't you taking control of your life or rebelling against your family's broken system. This was a choice that had nothing to do with them.

You pushed him backward and he complied until you could sit up. Jin's face looked confused but then it hit him what you were going to say. Sorrow etched every single one of his features but you said it anyway.

"I can't be a cheater, I'm sorry. I thought I could tuck my feelings away into this little box, because what happened to us wasn't fair. I thought I could justify all of it because I didn't pick him to be my husband but that's bullshit Jin. We've been married three years, I love him and I have to fix things." You stood from the bed, your stomach a rolling pitch of emotion.

"What about loving me?" Jin said it softly catching your fingers, not letting you create any more distance.

"We all made our choices, and maybe my biggest flaw was believing we could have made different ones."

"All of this is because of my mistake, if I'd shown up you'd be my wife not his, I've been trying to think of a way to fix it for three years." Jin stood tugging you against his body and you felt infinitely sad for everyone involved.

"I don't think you could have fixed it. Dongbin set us up, there was no decision except to walk away. I've spent too long being angry at you for that, when regardless of why you did, it was your right."

You kissed his cheek and turned to the table to grab your purse, you knew if you spent any more time in this room you'd change your mind. You weren't sure Seungho was going to forgive you, but that's what you wanted. You wanted it more than Jin, and you thought you knew why.

"We won't have sex, we'll just be friends. Please don't leave me Y/N." His words were choked like each one was strangling him, you wanted to comfort him, but even that was dangerous to your resolve.

"What future is there for us Jinnie? Tell me the scenario where we get to be together guilt free?" You turned leaning against the table and searched his eyes, you knew he wasn't going to figure it out in the few moments he had left.

"Just give me time, we can be together we just have to work out some things. I'm not going to just leave you, you're in deep darling. I can't watch you get hurt and say I did nothing to prevent it." Jin was respecting your space, which felt odd, but you appreciated it.

"Then you're just going to have to wait like you did the last three years, because right now I don't see any path forward."

"Don't have his baby." He said it roughly and you knew it must be weighing heavily on him.

"I'm not having his baby or anyone's baby in the next year, can everyone just stop talking about it?"

"I'm not giving up, but if you need time, I'll give you that." Jin closed the distance and hugged you tightly, his kiss landing on your forehead.

~

When you reached your car in the underground lot Ji Hoon was leaning against the drivers door, anger barely contained on his face. His body language was severe, arms crossed over his chest, brows pinched, shoulders rolled back so his height was impressive.

"Did you think I was a fucking idiot? Bad at my job? Did you think you'd suddenly turned into a super spy? You are literally my job, my best friend, and you thought you could throw me off with a list of chores for Seungho?"

You deflated at his words, he was right, you were intensely stupid to think you could outplay him. You counted on him being smarter and more cunning than everyone else. If he wasn't you'd both have been dead by now.