...for the Sanos

chapter 16

Dim vision thrusted forward between the man's closing sight. His raven hair tickled with slight pining feeling, he closed his eyes back, not delicately at all. Weakness rushed over back to his movements, his eyelids fell back not able to take the sudden brightness after the dim vision. With much effort, his heart raced with terror, his eyes trembled with terror, his irises screamed back to stay under the darkness of the muscle, due to terror...terror regarding of all the traumatic memories of which he doesn't know how long back. His body is cold, he wants to melt in the last embrace back again, but he also doesn't want to breathe in the same air as him again, he feels filthy, he feels disgusted, he feels empty like he has lost everything, betrayal swept everything away from him. Nothing can be brought back, nothing can be done to go back to the world before. Before he was raped terrifyingly....before his parents died miserably...before he met them like the winds of spring just blew across...before he met hinata after so long with love...before he went faraway from his hometown to relax heart...before he starred into those obsedien graces that sent him layers of pleasure...before he met a girl who truely loves him like the biggest blessing...before he chose to study yet with no determination...he wishes he could erase this part of his past completely...

His body hurts, it's stings at his neck, his back and his thighs, his behind and his abdomen, he cannot feel his insides. He feels like an empty cavity, all hollow inside like as if he was completely eaten up and cleared. He is finding no strength to move and sit in a position in which he can process calmly, it's difficult, but he knows that he can't go on like this...but yet...it's difficult...it requires strength, and he is weak, it requires will power but the pleasure is hurting his core. He breathes slowly as his muscles and bones catch up his thought and sit up in the way he wants, but the numbness tells him that he is still in daze, he is sleeping underneath a particular weight in unconsciousness.

He is trying his best, he is trying his best to look and suck the scenario infront of him. All is he grateful for is that he is not under that pale interior like before, he is grateful that he is not on those same white sheets like before, he is grateful that...this room smells like...cigarettes which suddenly calms him down more than the sex flavour that will make him curl and hide in where no one can see him, his filthiness.

He sees around, it's turning dim again but brightness keeps on suddenly striking like it's blurring his vision. His heart started pouding faster again...and that one only thought that calling out to him, ringing in his ears...
'am i dying...'
Is his sweat soaking him...or is he atleast crying...his lungs are hurting, he can feel that...but his chest his sinking like as if it's being pulled into that hollow cavity.
'Mama...Dada...i miss you'
His heart his carving those words silently again. And he is having the urge to jump off and really die, black out and not open up to light again expect the lights of heaven where his parents are...the one who loves him are...at the minute he wasn't thinking about hinata who was actually the one crying for him...
'will she cry again for him?...'
He is broken, he is not worth touching for pure reasons anymore, he is broken, completely torn off like a sheet of paper. His mouth hurts, he is bleeding all over, the white patches aren't stopping the loss of words and actions.

Takemichi looked around again, finding someone...more like something...someone that will make him smile...more like something that will let him have his sleep of life. How peaceful is death? He is curious right now as he sees a knife, fine enough to look sharp for what he has planned of doing... He is bleeding already...his body is already numb, it wouldn't hurt...it would never hurt...not again after this...and he moves his hand holding to the ash wood handle of the knife, fingers trembling yet delicately caressing before he raises it further close to him...

A hand rests on his wrist, sending a nice feeling of safeness and care. The rough texture was still soft and pleasant. Unlike those dominating and savouring hands, as dangerous as a lion's claw, these were gently and loving to be leaned into....yet the man did not let go off the knife unless those soft hands, that looked so protesting against the thing that could actually open up your muscle and let you bleed to death... takemichi did not move his eyes, fixed on the object completely lifeless, craving for excitement but also not letting go off the dullness.

"I'll help you cut the apple... takemichi..."
Voice as calm like he heard before, like in a million years cause yesterday represented a miserable trauma he is finding difficult to let go of. Shinichiro voice works like magic, he never thought of describing out the beauty of the manly and loving chord so sincerely. It completely melted his head into bliss, takemichi loved how caring the man sounded... Yes, caring because he kept in mind what would hurt takemichi, what would remind him of something which he might even start to cry bitterly, something that he might continue his own action with force since his grip was fragile, power was weak, no determination hyping him up. It was just simply like, he saw the world crash apart and there is nothing in the world that would let him live. He had no reason to continue, hinata will get someone reliant, unlike him who is all broken like a shattering glass.

"Please...let me go...."
It was so small and weak, it was fragile, called out for protection with vulnerability... He did not forget, atleast this last try would lend him to a loving embrace. He doesn't hope high, but atleast hinata would hug him back, just if he keeps this certain things to himself...

"No!"